Today, the uniform says everything about a team's identity. But in every sport, there are teams with fashion blunders that doom them before they even step onto the court, rink or field. As I closely examine the most extreme offenders, remember the old adage: 'It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look doing it.'
MLB: Toronto Blue Jays
There are plenty of contenders here, from the color-blind Mets, who forget that black is not a shade of either blue or orange; the Padres, whose puke-colored away jerseys inspire equal amounts of nausea and laughter in opponents; the Devil Rays who still haven't quite figured out that anatomical drawings of marine life are not exactly appealing, and yes, even the Brewers, whose uniforms are more boring than watching paint dry'as long as the paint is an interesting color.
But the champions from this crowded field have to be our sole baseball friend north of the border. When the Blue Jays were good enough to win the World Series in 1992 and '93, their uniforms were perfectly respectable'royal blue, with respectful nods to the Canadian flag on their hats, and a unique, agreeable lettering on the front. But today it looks like the Blue Birds are using reject Japanese minor-league uniforms. From the freakish 'J' logo to the 'Jays' (no 'Blue') lettering to the hats'note to management, it's the BLUE Jays, not the Nuclear-Fallout Ashen Gray Jays'nothing is going right here. Keep this up, and they should get the same thing that happened to Expos.
NBA: Utah Jazz
Forget the fact that it's the most inappropriately-named sports franchise in America. (Miami Penguins, Boston Republicans, Madison Racial Minorities'see, even if I try I can't think of something more ridiculous). The Jazz also have the most hideously boring uniforms in the NBA. Back in the early days, they had the quaint purple and gold musical note/basketball logo, which gave way to the vaguely bizarre but acceptable purple and blue mountain logo, which has now given way to a blue and... blue...uhh... 'Utah' logo.
Other NBA uniforms, like the Disneyfied Magic and the WNBAish Suns, have produced spectacular failures, but at least they've tried'the Jazz have now made their uniforms as exciting as, well, spending time in Salt Lake City.
NFL: Carolina Panthers
The NFL is probably the most secure from atrocious uniforms of the pro sports terms, but it doesn't mean they don't have a few stinkers, mostly in the department of weird alternate uniforms like the black Lions and Eagles unis. And of course, the Cardinals' excursion into 1970s sci-fi movie costume design has to be mentioned. But the crown goes to the Panthers, whose asymmetrical lines on the helmet, jersey and pants look like they were designed by a 12-year-old in an SI for Kids contest. And check out that logo'it looks like the same font used for Saturday-morning toy commercials.
NHL: Nashville Predators
Yes, the Canucks feature a whale jumping out the letter C. And yes, the Mighty Ducks still have that name and those uniforms (there's a reason why there isn't, say, an MLS team called The Big Green). But not only are the Preds' uniforms taxi-cab yellow, they also have some sort of prehistoric beast with a single tooth as tall as its entire head. Does anything else have to be said?
