I'm sorry if I gave any of you readers the impression that last week was my final column, because, as you can see, it wasn't. Though, I must admit, I'm a little confused as to why you would think that. After all, Mr. Rogers was the one saying goodbye and last I checked... yup, my name's still Matt Worzala. But it's OK, mistakes happen.
The reason I was gone last week is because I have been out looking for a job so that I can continue to eat after I graduate in three weeks. While my majors in history and communication arts allow me career opportunities ranging from telling people about history to telling people about the history of film, sometimes a man wants more out of life. So, I have compiled a list of possible careers to share with you good readers.
As you'll see, most of them had to be crossed off the list. Curse you, Bush Economy!
Pros:
- Lots of free clothing
- Girls will put your picture up on their walls
- Potential to meet FEMALE models
Crossed off because:
- Have to resist blinking when picture is taken
- Have to, apparently, be
ot weird looking."" Don't weird-looking people wear clothes, too? I sure hope so. Otherwise, ugh, that's nasty.
Pros:
- Get to entertain people
- Can stay up really late at night and not get yelled at
- Potential to meet female models
Crossed off because:
- Expensive to start my own station simply to have a Late Night Show, and none of the current hosts appear to be heading toward retirement.
Pros:
- Get to wear a helmet AND a jumpsuit
- If you get sponsored by the right people, you'd never have to go shopping again.
- Get to talk with an accent
Crossed off because:
- I once put a car into a ditch performing a Y- turn'I shudder to think what I might do taking a corner at those high speeds. Also, almost zero potential to meet female models.
Pros:
- Can wear a suit, or sweatpants, and no one is in a position to complain
- You get to teach other people about something you enjoy.
- Write a book, make people buy it for your class, then watch the Benjamins roll in.
Crossed off because:
- Apparently not allowed to hit students for sleeping or not turning off their cell phones
- I don't really want to be in class on a Friday either.
Pros:
- Possess REAL ULTIMATE POWER
- Get to flip out and fight people all the time
- When not fighting, can entertain self with ability to play the guitar really well
Crossed off because:
- Since unionizing, new ninja selection has gone way down
- Fear that I'd be so excited about REAL ULTIMATE POWER that my head would explode
Pros:
- Get to wear a shirt with your name on it
- Get to hang out with other bowlers
- If you get bored, you can throw the ball between your legs or backwards.
- Can work, watch TV and drink all at the same time.
- Endorsed by Andy ""I f-ing rule"" Gardner. So it must be good.
So, there you have it, it looks like bowling is the career for me. That or writing, because I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of this whole column thing.
Thank you all for your support these last two years, and as Mike Leckrone sometimes says, ""We never say goodbye, we just say see you again real soon.""
AND ON WISCONSIN!
OUT!
