Well, folks, it's that time of year. Time to put up those gaudy icicle lights and deck the halls with boughs of holly, watch college bowl games and realize how much NBA basketball sucks compared to college basketball.
Yes, that's right, it's Christmas time. In that sense of greed and animosity, I thought I'd present to you, my faithful readers, my very own Christmas list'sports-themed, of course. You won't find a new sweater or the latest video game system on here, but you will find something nearly as entertaining. Yeah, that's right'nearly as entertaining as a sweater.
So, Santa, if you're watching (and according to the song, you always are), all I want for Christmas is ...
1. Lee Evans in a Wisconsin uniform for one more year. And, if it were allowed by the NCAA, I wouldn't mind having Wendell Bryant, Nick Greisen and Mike Echols in the cardinal and white for another year either.
2. John Madden and Pat Summerall somewhere other than a nationally televised sporting event. I don't know, maybe they should be giving play by play on the latest hard-hitting bingo action at the senior center.
Summerall: \Did you see that, John? He just called B-6 and she stamped I-25! Can you do that?""
Madden: ""I don't think you can do that, Pat. Let's go to the coaches' clicker on this one. Right there he calls B-6 and BAM! Right there you can see her put the stamp on I-25. Let's rewind that and see it in super-slow motion.
3. An NCAA Championship for Sherisa Livingston and the rest of the seniors on the UW volleyball team. They've worked hard for the past four years and are often unfairly overlooked when people talk about Wisconsin sports.
4. Mike Piazza's success with women. I mean, come on, that guy's dated more Playboy playmates than Hugh Hefner. I'm not talking Wilt Chamberlain numbers or anything, but as it stands now, I think the water boy for Harvard's men's water polo team gets more phone numbers than I do.
5. For baseball fans to be able to root for (or against) the Twins for at least a few more years.
6. Glenn Robinson's jump shot.
7. A multimillion dollar job offer from Sports Illustrated. In case the brass at SI is reading this, I'll be able to start in June 2003.
8. Duke to have a friggin' bad year at basketball already.
9. Brett Favre to win the Super Bowl's Most Valuable Player award before he retires.
10. To eliminate the words ""Booya"" and ""Straight butter"" from ESPN anchor Stuart Scott's vocabulary. Swear to God, it would cut SportsCenter down to a five-minute show every time he was an anchor.
11. Michael Jordan in anything but a Wizards uniform. Say, those Milwaukee Bucks' jerseys are quite fashionable.
12. Alex Rodriguez's talent. I suppose the quarter-of-a-billion-dollar contract wouldn't hurt either.
13. Joe Namath's fashion sense. And I'm talking late 1960s fashion sense. Really, when's the last time you saw a guy strolling around in a fur coat?
14. To have Nazareth's ""Hair of the Dog"" replace ""Who Let the Dogs Out?"" at every sporting event.
15. A good idea for a column.
