I received an e-mail from my editor Stella, essentially saying, 'Mike, you've got to write 200 to 300 words to convince people to
read your as-yet-unnamed column.' It was supposed to be turned in on the tenth of August, and as I sit here on the eleventh, column unfinished, I wonder what I am going to say.
I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Michael Murphy. Not only am I one of three columnists named Mike this semester, my last name is Murphy, which is about as nondistinct as you can get.
Still, the whole mess might be salvageable if I had a cool, edgy middle name like 'Santiago' or 'Voltron,' but my middle name is John. Michael John Murphy. Woo-hoo. Thanks, Mom. Way to go, Dad. I wouldn't be quite so bitter, but I have siblings. Siblings with names like Harmony, Kilian, Flannery and Shaggy.
I should probably tell you a little more about myself. According to the student directory, I live on Conklin Place, which is odd because I have never been to Conklin Place, never even heard of it.
You see, there is at least one other Michael John Murphy who goes to school here. There are probably more. After all, my e-mail address is mjmurphy2, and this other guy's is mjmurph2, which makes me wonder what ever happened to mjmurphy1, not to mention mjmurph1.
With all these mjmurps, murphs and murphys out there, things can get pretty confusing. In order to clear things up, I have decided to wear only clothes made by little-known 'alternative' labels like Gap, AE and Abercrombie and Fitch. So if you see a guy wearing any of these brands, it's probably me, just trying to clear things up.
