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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, April 18, 2024
U2 too Rich

Bono announcing that you’re going to own the album whether you want it or not.

U2 releases surprise album ‘We Can’t Possibly Get Any Richer’

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Popular alternative band U2 has been a longtime authority in the world of rock music. They have been long rumored to be producing an album based around themes of the 2016 presidential election, expected for release by December. The album, tentatively titled Songs of Experience has been long anticipated by fans of the Irish group, but a recent development within the group has captured fans’ attention. 

Lead singer and rhythm guitarist Bono along with lead guitarist the Edge made the announcement on Tuesday that they would be releasing a surprise album at the end of the month. News of the album was met with excitement and positive reactions by their fan base, which reaches all corners of the world. In a video statement released by Bono the same afternoon, he expanded on the details behind the album’s inception. The video featured Bono, dressed in a distinguished turtleneck sweater and his signature wraparound sunglasses, throwing fistfuls of glitter at the camera while literally standing on a Dove soap box.

“Our newest album is exploring the darkest corners of the mind in a very abstract way, featuring instrumental melodies with fuzzy distortion effects and layered guitar tracks that are up to twenty-two minutes in length, along with a bunch of re-recorded classics of ours that are also re-remastered,” Bono said. “We chose to name our newest brainchild ‘We Can’t Possibly Get Any Richer’ in honor of a great inspiration of mine, Mahatma Gandhi. Fight the power, baby.”

The album was given a release date of Sept. 29. According to official release details following Bono’s announcement, We Can’t Possibly Get Any Richer will be forcefully downloaded from all streaming and digital download services. Only two hundred hard copies of the album will be sold on their official website, so those who wish to snag a copy should be prepared to pay exorbitantly. All profits will reportedly be donated to nonprofit organization Some Random Charity, but there’s no way to be sure about that.

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