Study finds immature behavior, vulgar language clinically linked to regular Monster energy drink consumption
Monster Energy has found itself under public scrutiny in recent days after a University of Wisconsin study released Friday established a correlation between excessive consumption of the energy drink and immature, verbally belligerent behavior.
“Based on the parameters we have noticed,” a leading researcher at the University of Wisconsin said, “it is evident that mere exposure to the Monster Energy brand elicits an adverse reaction in some of the consumers, namely those who expose themselves to the accelerant and then engage in highly stimulating activities, such as video games.”
The global sports drink brand, highly recognizable for its role in promoting action sports events like motocross, snowboarding and monster truck derbies, has come under global scrutiny in recent weeks for its links to adverse behavior among several professional video game athletes. Additionally, the logo’s ubiquitous presence on extreme sports jerseys, mixed martial arts octagons and various strains of third-rate apparel has established the three-clawed swipe as one of the world’s most damaged brands.
“[The Major League Gaming Convention] gave us a perfect testing ground to see just how Monster affects people’s frontal lobes,” a UW researcher said. “Imagine turning the entire convention center into one giant test tube, without a control group, and zero operational parameters.”
The communication link of one gamer, StarFox69, was cut after a torrent of profanity poured from his gaming headset. Subjects and expletives included the mothers of opposing gamers, the responsiveness of his teammates and Gov. Scott Walker.
“He just started going bonkers,” said one of the MLG gamers surveyed, “and went off the rails.”
Analysts of StarFox69’s behavior describe the erratic nature of his comments and the precise placement of the verbal outburst, occurring immediately after the consumption of six units of Monster—equivalent to over fifty ounces, or three pounds, of concentrated liquid adrenaline.
“Kids are playing video games younger and younger,” a leading scientist said, “and with that exposure comes related exposure to substances—much like facing the pressures associated with socializing at a top-ranked party school. We can only hope that kids are responsible with their choices while engaging in these games.”