The Almanac Presents:
Misheard Quotes
“Don’t smile because it’s over. Cry because it happened.”
-Akron head coach
“The only thing you have to fear is a beer bookshelf.”
-Frank “Big D” Roosevelt
“I don’t remember 100 percent of the shots I took.”
-Frat dude
“With a great shower comes great sterility.”
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-Squeaky clean man in cape
“Give me Hillary or give me meth.”
-Most Californians
“Houston, you look like Gollum.”
-UW offensive coordinator
“Mama said, ‘Life is like a box
of chocolates.’ Fuck you,
mom...”
-Son
“I love the smell of my palm
in the morning.”
-My roommate
“If you’re going through hell,
keep blowing.”
-Fat British Cigar lover
“Crack has some positive feedback.”
-My dealer
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