Dr. Harold Francovis

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Keep your beaks off our babies

By Dr. Harold Francovis | Mar. 12, 2014

If everyone would please take their seats, I’d like to discuss the problem with our Enlightened Society’s method of procreation.

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Cacti threaten to destroy our nation’s youth

By Dr. Harold Francovis | Feb. 12, 2014

If everyone would please take their seats, I’d like to discuss a little-known, but important danger to our Enlightened Society: the hallucinogenic cactus. One moment it’s perfectly tying together Aunt Susie’s living room, the next it’s being slammed down on a makeshift operating table and crudely bisected at seven different angles by teenage kitchen-knife surgeons. Blended, boiled and strained to produce a noxious broth of ungodly potency or simply skinned like a rat in a seventh grade biology lab, this evil little succulent is made ready for consumption by sweaty-handed troublemakers all across the country.

Dr. Harold Francovis

Keep your beaks off our babies

Cacti threaten to destroy our nation’s youth

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