THE BEET
Tempting Fate
By Anupras Mohapatra | Jun. 20, 2022I had the best intentions, but does that matter?
The Beet
THE BEET
Democrats struggle for bipartisan support on gun reform bill
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 17, 2022The lack of action proposed in the new bill remains too big of a commitment.
THE BEET
Wisconsinites flee to nearest bar as tornado looms
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 16, 2022Wisconsin bars contain all of the necessities needed to ride out a severe storm.
THE BEET
Freshman year essentials
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 10, 2022You don’t have to learn the hard way.
THE BEET
Black mold, other dangers ‘part of the college experience’
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 9, 2022Freshmen, keep in mind that you will develop in such a way that things you once found revolting will simply become “silly.”
THE BEET
Six things you need to know to be safe around Bucky
By Jeffrey Brown | Jun. 6, 2022I’ve had to learn the hard way, but you don’t have to.
THE BEET
Stolen Memorial Union Terrace chair snitch to be banned from all neighborhood barbecues, sources of joy
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 2, 2022The now-ostracized neighbor was known to bring extra wet coleslaw in a poorly-sealed Ziploc sandwich bag to each neighborhood gathering.
THE BEET
Re-naming the animals at Henry Vilas Zoo: Bornean orangutan
By Mackenzie Moore | Jun. 1, 2022Orangutans look like hairy, chubby, balding middle-aged men who sit on recliners wearing nothing but tighty whities all day.
THE BEET
Man trying to stop more children from being shot ‘A sick son of a bitch’
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 27, 2022Won’t someone think of the politicians?
THE BEET
Lorne Michaels fires entire cast, will turn ‘Saturday Night Live’ into one man show
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 23, 2022“Live from New York — I’m Lorne Michaels, and you’re not.”
THE BEET
What you need to know about new UW-Madison chancellor-designee Jennifer Mnookin
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 18, 2022Hunka hunka.
THE BEET
New Glarus experiencing increase in real estate demand after out-of-state parents visit for graduation
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 16, 2022In the last two days, Zillow searches for homes in the New Glarus area have skyrocketed over 2,000%.
THE BEET
Graduating students must work on Camp Randall construction before receiving diploma
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 13, 2022Students will be allowed to decorate their shovels as long as they do not contain insulting language towards the University of Wisconsin -Madison or Chancellor Rebecca Blank.
THE BEET
NFTs are valuable now and I’m too dumb to understand it
By Jeffrey Brown | May. 12, 2022“These technological doodads are just too sophisticated for my itty bitty noggin.”
THE BEET
Texas bans left-handed athletes due to ‘unfair advantage’
By Jeffrey Brown | May. 11, 2022America’s youth are being indoctrinated, says Texas’ Governor Abbott.
THE BEET
Local mom considering sending a message by regifting candles back to children
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 10, 2022“There is more to my personality than a functioning nose and the belief that the good smells are better than the bad ones.”
THE BEET
Finals guide spring 2022
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 9, 2022So, you didn’t fill out your course evaluation survey — you’re safe here.
THE BEET
Pro-life politicians vote to bomb Middle Eastern orphanage
By Mackenzie Moore | May. 6, 2022When asked to explain his vote, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said, it's "next to impossible to make a Middle Eastern child grow up to be an oil lobbyist for the United States."
THE BEET
Local white boy checks into rehab for addiction to AAVE
By Jeffrey Brown | May. 5, 2022The flaw can likely be at least partially attributed to being a Ye fan.
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