THE BEET
Suicidal snapping turtle annoyed with drivers removing them from road
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 18, 2022The turtle claims to be at peace with death, “wants out.”
The Beet
THE BEET
New Ron Johnson campaign ad claims Barnes plans to stab Wisconsinites if elected
By Jeffrey Brown | Oct. 13, 2022The controversial new ad has drawn massive public attention.
THE BEET
Recovering alcoholic priest just using cinnamon raisin bread now
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 12, 2022Though Father Richard has remained sober, some churchgoers worry that the switch is sacrilegious.
THE BEET
Putin only ordered latest Ukrainian strike to ‘stay on brand,’ say insiders (note: satire)
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 10, 2022The human bucket of loose egg is reportedly afraid of not having “a thing.”
THE BEET
Bus Stop
By Anupras Mohapatra | Oct. 10, 2022“Son, Don’t forget to have some fun. You won’t get on these buses forever, please remember.”
THE BEET
Wisconsin Senators show up to State Capitol only to see next picture in ‘chunky animals’ calendar
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 6, 2022Tuesday’s special session on abortion lasted 15 seconds because of the extra 10 seconds it took state senators to congregate by the calendar and rip to the next photo.
THE BEET
Rent prices got you down? Go even lower with this hot new housing solution!
By Skylar Schultz | Oct. 5, 2022Crawl spaces aren’t just for critters!
THE BEET
Independent investigation finds Paul Chryst was fired for being ‘too much of a little stinker’
By Mackenzie Moore | Oct. 4, 2022Demands for his next coaching gig reportedly include an extra room “to make a lollipop museum.”
THE BEET
Freshman misses first lecture, repents to God
By Jeffrey Brown | Oct. 3, 2022“It was an accident!”
THE BEET
BREAKING: Paul Chryst fired over microwaving tuna sandwich in break room again
By Jeffrey Brown | Oct. 2, 2022“He gave us no other option.”
THE BEET
Wisconsin Badger fans still have hope despite being embarrassed by Ohio State
By Samuel Mayo | Sep. 29, 2022Wisconsin Badger fans still have Big Ten championship hopes despite Ohio State Buckeyes literally f—ing destroying Wisconsin.
THE BEET
As Hurricane Ian hits Florida, one man plans to stop it
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 28, 2022Sarasota native Doug Ebert expects to make a miracle happen.
THE BEET
An interview with Anupras
By Anupras Mohapatra | Sep. 26, 2022If Donald Glover could do it, Anupras can do it too.
THE BEET
Senior eats local dumplings, taste buds will never be the same
By Samuel Mayo | Sep. 22, 2022University of Wisconsin-Madison senior tries Paul's Pel’meni for the first time, taste buds are ruined for rest of life.
THE BEET
Confused migrants showing up to Martha Stewart’s house
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 21, 2022Stewart appears to have created a summer camp.
THE BEET
Father who wears another man’s name on his back every Sunday uncomfortable hugging son
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 20, 2022Football season prompts many fathers to show affection towards those they love most — their favorite players.
THE BEET
Idiot comedy writer under impression people care about her thoughts and feelings
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 15, 2022The Beet editor Mackenzie Moore has an album out now — sorry to be the one to break it to you.
THE BEET
‘Serena Williams was always overrated,’ says guy who’s pretty good at ping pong
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 14, 2022He is widely regarded by his five friends as the best ping pong player of the group.
THE BEET
Upstairs neighbor in competitive hopscotch league
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 13, 2022When one Madison resident went to complain about his upstairs neighbor’s stomping, he learned that his neighbor doesn’t just have a heavy foot.
THE BEET
They forgot: Beloved local business shutters doors day after forgetting to make 9/11 remembrance post
By Mackenzie Moore | Sep. 12, 2022The 30-year-old flower shop and its owner were the subject of severe threats.
Popular
By Sonia Bendre
|
05/07/2026
By Sonia Bendre
|
05/03/2026
By Ryan Kim
|
05/06/2026
By Zoey Jiang
|
05/04/2026
By Jane Dardik
|
05/04/2026
Tweets by DailyCardinal
Print
Read on Issuu
