THE BEET
Student crosses crosswalk with no sense of urgency with only two seconds left on crossing signal
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 30, 2020Poor crosswalk man now powerless.
The Beet
THE BEET
Preston: A post-apocalyptic social commentary of germ-normous importance [Sponsored by Lysol]
By Jordan Simon | Jan. 30, 2020It was just another day in West Streptococcus, a city located on the desk of fourth-grader Jimmy Sutton, but suddenly a big cloud appeared in the sky. That was all Preston could remember before he woke up in a strange new place.
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Almanac Icebreakers
By Jordan Simon , Madison Moore and Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Dreading beginning-of-the-semester icebreakers? Almanac has you covered with 20 unique ideas that will have you prepared for any ice breaker that your professor may throw your way.
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Teen claims that his balls dropped in unison with Times Square ball drop
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Smith ponders the meaning behind his testicular development.
THE BEET
Spotify rolls out aggressive marketing tactic, encouraging premium subscriptions
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Spotify encourages users to go premium with a new idea to interrupt songs every ten seconds with the same advertisement.
THE BEET
After over 5,600 NetID accounts hacked, UW-Madison moves to implement third factor of authentication
By Jordan Simon | Jan. 21, 2020UW-Madison has announced they will implement a third-factor authentication to the login process.
THE BEET
UW proposes expansion of Starship Robot services
By Madison Moore and Jenna Moss | Dec. 5, 2019Starship Jonathan Taylor carries the ball down the field during a UW Athletics test of Starship Robots in place of football players.
THE BEET
Pearls and snowballs
By Anupras Mohapatra | Dec. 5, 2019"Perhaps pearls and snowballs are a lot alike / For at the end of it all, it doesn’t even matter."
THE BEET
‘No Nut November’ sends nut-based snack companies into panicked frenzy
By Bailey Hills | Nov. 21, 2019"No Nut November" causes the nation's nuts to grow visibly upset, losing more and more pigment as the holiday progresses.
THE BEET
floating
By Alex Martinez | Nov. 14, 2019"Do I go with the flow / Or become the master of my sea?"
THE BEET
sunday mo(u)rnings
By Tara Sherchok | Nov. 14, 2019"sunday mournings were never meant for music anyway"
THE BEET
pinky promises
By Tara Sherchok | Nov. 14, 2019"our pinkies interlocked with a whisper of a promise"
THE BEET
Militant hippie occupies Library Mall, compromises student values
By Sam Jones | Nov. 7, 2019Candid speaks to passing frat boys.
THE BEET
Stubborn, obsessive child insists on being the goddamn blue power ranger for the third Halloween in a row
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 31, 2019Simpson's Power Ranger stance.
THE BEET
Despite tireless production, candy corn sits untouched on shelves for yet another year
By Bailey Hills | Oct. 31, 2019Devilish candy corn staring you down intensely, daring you to have a taste while it collects dust in your mother's decorative Halloween dish
THE BEET
In need of a last-minute Halloween costume? Almanac has you covered!
By Jordan Simon , Mira Gollard and Bailey Hills | Oct. 24, 2019Looking for an incredible last-minute Halloween costume like "Sexy King Henry VIII" or "Flamingo Run"? Look no further!
THE BEET
Elements
By Anupras Mohapatra | Oct. 17, 2019Humans are the most profound pieces of literature
THE BEET
All content contributors to UW-Madison meme page win Nobel Prize for literature
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 17, 2019All contributing content members from the infamous "UW-Madison Memes for Milk-Chugging Teens" become recipients of the Nobel Prize for Literature.
THE BEET
Lizzo DNA test results leaked, reveals she is only 98.63 percent That Bitch
By Jordan Simon | Oct. 17, 2019Lizzo faces much controversy following the leak of her DNA test.
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