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Report: Jesus definitely did cocaine
By Anonymous Cocaine Historian | Mar. 9, 2020Jesus Christ thinks cocaine is real nice.
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Elizabeth Warren Accused of Tanking Campaign to Receive First Overall Draft Pick for 2024 Presidential Election
By Jordan Simon | Mar. 4, 2020Elizabeth Warren answers questions at a press conference following Super Tuesday.
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Canada Goose is not cute, a brief history
By Bailey Hills | Feb. 20, 2020This highly un-cute attire perches on a cabin quite un-cutely.
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New electability standards introduced by DNC hopes to narrow down 2020 options
By Sam Jones | Feb. 20, 2020Elizabeth Warren tries to appeal to voters by presenting her salamander knowledge. "This is a Fire Salamander," she says.
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Kobe King confirms transfer after 1v1 with coach Gard
By Taylor F. Selong | Feb. 6, 2020"Late last Wednesday Kobe King announced his decision to immediately leave the Badger Men’s basketball team, citing a growing frustration with head coach Greg Gard as the reason for his departure."
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EU finally receives divorce it deserves from obnoxious, self-centered partner
By Jordan Simon | Feb. 6, 2020The European Union is finally free from Great Britain’s Euroskepicism.
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An analysis of the phrase “hot as balls”
By Jordan Simon | Feb. 6, 2020“Hot as balls” is a commonly used phrase, but what exactly is its appropriate use? Read to find out more!
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Pixels
By Anupras Mohapatra | Feb. 6, 2020"Perhaps someday I’ll be a pixel truly part of the picture, no longer out of place."
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Student crosses crosswalk with no sense of urgency with only two seconds left on crossing signal
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 30, 2020Poor crosswalk man now powerless.
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Preston: A post-apocalyptic social commentary of germ-normous importance [Sponsored by Lysol]
By Jordan Simon | Jan. 30, 2020It was just another day in West Streptococcus, a city located on the desk of fourth-grader Jimmy Sutton, but suddenly a big cloud appeared in the sky. That was all Preston could remember before he woke up in a strange new place.
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Almanac Icebreakers
By Jordan Simon , Madison Moore and Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Dreading beginning-of-the-semester icebreakers? Almanac has you covered with 20 unique ideas that will have you prepared for any ice breaker that your professor may throw your way.
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Teen claims that his balls dropped in unison with Times Square ball drop
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Smith ponders the meaning behind his testicular development.
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Spotify rolls out aggressive marketing tactic, encouraging premium subscriptions
By Bailey Hills | Jan. 21, 2020Spotify encourages users to go premium with a new idea to interrupt songs every ten seconds with the same advertisement.
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After over 5,600 NetID accounts hacked, UW-Madison moves to implement third factor of authentication
By Jordan Simon | Jan. 21, 2020UW-Madison has announced they will implement a third-factor authentication to the login process.
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UW proposes expansion of Starship Robot services
By Madison Moore and Jenna Moss | Dec. 5, 2019Starship Jonathan Taylor carries the ball down the field during a UW Athletics test of Starship Robots in place of football players.
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Pearls and snowballs
By Anupras Mohapatra | Dec. 5, 2019"Perhaps pearls and snowballs are a lot alike / For at the end of it all, it doesn’t even matter."
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