News
Who is Peter Pricket? Is this a farewell?
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 24Here are my final thoughts before I take a break.
The Beet
News
I live on an uninhabited island called PeterPricketistan that Trump put tariffs on. This is my story
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 24I was going to start a new religion.
News
Congrats! You live in Eastern Europe now
By Ivan Stefanovich | Apr. 24The United States’ transformation into a model Eastern European state stands as a testament to the nation’s ability to evolve and embrace new paradigms.
News
My great great Russian grandfather was an immigrant. Now I’m protecting the border
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 4No more American Dream.
News
Polish conservative realizes he’s an immigrant in ethnic studies course
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 4I had my hands over my face. Next week’s lecture was on the Irish, wait until he finds out about them.
News
Elon Musk took a Gold Card out of his ass and gave it to me!
By Peter Pricket | Apr. 3I graduated from PETA University and then was given a Gold Card.
News
Hawk Tuah girl and I are becoming pool reporters!
By Peter Pricket | Mar. 2HAWK TUAH ENTERS THE OVAL OFFICE WITH ME.
News
You aren’t going to start a revolution. You need to get a job
By Peter Pricket | Jan. 23Hot take: I have been realizing things and Peter Pricket is now coming forward with new ideas he has been hiding.
THE BEET
Peter’s haikus for you
By Peter Pricket | Jan. 23I’m feeling really poetic today, happy first day of classes!
News
Conservative student discovers pleasure for the first time through sex education module
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5Today in my conservative WILL law course, I was told to do course evaluations. But, through a turn of bad clicks, my mouse landed on “SexWise Module.”
News
Undercover at Mnookin’s UWPD party: 90 Zyns, ketamine and a hummus platter
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5I heard some murmurs of “free speech advocacy,” “marketplaces of ideas” and “DEI.”
News
Vote me for ASM. I will add a Department of Efficiency and cut UHS
By Peter Pricket | Dec. 5Fuck UHS, go raw milk, go Ozempic, vote me for ASM.
News
I graduated from PETA University. Now I electroejaculate monkeys
By Peter Pricket | Nov. 7Today I electroejaculated a monkey named Cornelly again. I am at odds with this work.
News
Catch me feds! I ballot stuffed 450 times in the 2024 election
By Peter Pricket | Nov. 7To feel the passion of Democracy I voted between three states for both Kamala and Donald.
News
New York is for the rats
By Morgan McCormack | Oct. 25It’s time New York gets the representation it deserves.
News
‘Pokémon go to the polls’
By Isabella Barajas | Oct. 25At an infamous 2016 rally, then-presidential nominee Hillary Clinton made a historic call to action. Over eight years later, we’re still seeing the effects.
News
I used to picket. Now I am taking a vow of silence to honor UW’s free speech policy
By Peter Pricket | Oct. 24I am taking an indefinite vow of silence after University of Wisconsin-Madison Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin released a new profound free speech policy.
News
Ask Morgan, welcome back edition: From starting new to ending unsure, I’m here to answer all your back to school queries.
By Morgan McCormack | Sep. 5All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.
THE BEET
I’m going to commit $270 worth of property damage to the university
By Omar Waheed | Apr. 27, 2024In my final weeks at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, I was utterly betrayed by Transportation Services when it impounded my car for multiple unpaid parking tickets. Now, after paying off all the tickets and getting my car out of impound, I’m taking swift revenge.
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