Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Monday, April 19, 2021

Almanac

Almanac_Mondays.jpg
ALMANAC

Mondays bartender fired for agreeing to make drink less strong

In college, most students go out with one goal in mind: to get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible. At UW-Madison, Mondays has long been the go-to dive bar to achieve this. Last Friday night, however, this sacred bond was broken when a bartender agreed to only pour one shot of liquor into a vodka cranberry. The employee was later fired once the customer finished their drink and was still found to be able to have a coherent conversation. 


Photo of President Biden's dog, Major.
ALMANAC

Major Biden cracks under pressure

President Biden’s German shepherd puppy, Major has been making national news headlines all around America for his involvement in two newsworthy biting incidents. While Major has been put on blast for these aggressive acts, no one knows or can possibly understand what the dog has been through. 


almanac-hungover-bucky.jpg
ALMANAC

UW-Madison sees annual spike in 'post weekend denial'

As the weather becomes more pleasant and COVID-19 vaccinations continue to rollout, a surge in weekend festivities can be seen throughout Madison, Wisconsin. Naturally, these festivities include heavy substance abuse in true Wisconsin-fashion. This annual springtime trend can be seen in places such as the “Mifflin Slums,” where the melting snow is steadily replaced with debris from white plastic tables and crushed Natty Ice cans. 


MRE-Almanac.jpg
ALMANAC

Memorial union to give students free MREs

The Memorial Union announced today that students with a green Badger Badge will now be able to receive a free Meals, Ready-to-Eat. While meals are factory made and are not being distributed until the week of April 25, orders must be placed within the next week so that the packages can be sorted into boxes “when the vibe feels right” for the Union employees. 


sodatalkred-01.png
ALMANAC

The Boston Bomber Has a Bad Day

Hey Almanac readers! We hope you enjoyed the special edition of our beloved column this week. The Almanac editors would like to opportunity to share some really exciting news: this section now has a podcast! (not at all related to our article published from a few weeks back about another mediocre white guy starting one) We’d love if you’d take a minute to sit back and enjoy 4 of UW-Madisons dullest students talk about random shit.


ALMANAC

Twenty-four hour spring break? Hell yeah!

Stress is in the air. Midterms after midterms are slamming students while they labor through their spring semesters online. Luckily, UW-Madison sensed this stress, and they are generous enough to give us a Friday AND two Saturday’s off of school! When asked about this altruistic decision, the Chancellor told us: “we just knew that a Saturday off would be super relieving for a lot of students — and we’re really really concerned about their mental health right now.”


almanac-fortnite.png
ALMANAC

Joe Biden says he won’t intervene in Tomato Town

It’s been two years since content creator Leviathan uploaded the iconic “Chug Jug With You” to SoundCloud. The song instantly became a top hit on TikTok and is today considered one of the most influential pop songs of the 21st century. But even more importantly, the song sparked an antiviolence movement with its reference to the ongoing atrocities in Tomato Town and its lyrics encouraging love and peace, like “I really love to chug with you” and “La la la la la ee a.”


almanaclolabunny.jpg
ALMANAC

Warner Bros announces sexy cut of Space Jam 2

After intense internet backlash following director Malcolm Lee’s decision to desexualize the image of Lola Bunny in the upcoming remake of the classic 1996 film “Space Jam”, Warner Bros has announced that a triple-X cut of the movie will be released later this year. 


Seshwithbecky.jpg
ALMANAC

Sesh with Becky?

Legal weed? What a game changer. Gov. Tony Evers has released a budget plan that proposes legalizing medicinal and recreational marijuana in Wisconsin. The UW-Madison administration has decided to wholeheartedly endorse this change when it comes. 


IMG_5575 2.jpeg
ALMANAC

Interview with Tanner from the Phi Alpha Fraternity

As I was browsing Twitter this week, I came across an unfamiliar face in the UW-Madison community. Member of the Phi Alpha Fraternity — notorious for excessive drinking and leaving mounds of trash on the frozen lake after dartys (as well as being completely made up). Tanner Smith left a tweet that piqued my interest: “Listen. If you abolish Greek life, who’s gonna do the dirty work of making Madison objectively worse? This city needs us.”


COVID_vaccine_UHS21_4100A
ALMANAC

Nine ways to get UW-Madison vaccinated — with and without force

Every day, vaccination access is becoming more widespread. However, we all know some people who swear they will never get the COVID-19 vaccine. Chad from your business class, the girl on your floor who was a little too into the moon landing being fake or maybe the entirety of PIKE. Thus, the UW-Madison administration must decide if they will make the vaccination a requirement for returning to school in the fall. Here are nine ways Becky and the administration can incentive the student body to get vaccinated.


Powered by SNworks Solutions by The State News
All Content © 2021 The Daily Cardinal