Local Culver’s loyalist Bobby McButtery was caught completely off-guard when his heart violently attacked him Monday evening.
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A recent WikiLeaks article revealed that the scientists have been using tax revenue to purchase computer cleaner, inhaling an average of ten bottles per scientist per day.
At 22 years old, as I get to finally conclude the unwritten chapter that is my Bachelor’s Degree, I am thrust into a world of Partying On School Nights and Meeting That One Guy From Tinder. I find myself somewhat lost and isolated in this obnoxious world that can’t seem to shut up or slow down enough for me to catch up.
In his latest effort to provide disaster relief aid to the citizens of Puerto Rico, President Trump approved the details of a plan that would send three ships’ worth of supplies overseas, mainly including strawberry lemonade water flavoring packets and home-baked cookies from the White House kitchen. Correspondents for the Daily Cardinal reported that barges left from the Norfolk Naval Base on the east coast to deliver the items on Monday.
Apple has developed an information network, known as iCloud, over which Macbooks and iPhones can be paired to share information. A variety of built-in applications in the operating systems of Macbooks allow users to read and reply to text messages, sent to their iPhones, on their Macbooks.
With midterm season looming over UW-Madison’s campus this month, students of all disciplines are seeking to pass their midterms as professors hand them out across campus. For some, it may be a multiple-choice affair, or the beginnings of a multi-page paper; no matter the format, all are hoping to prepare themselves as efficiently as possible. For junior Ineida Tonnabeer, this is something she’s struggled with since her first semester as a Badger.
A recent shortage of Pumpkin Spice Sauce has left many Starbucks followers with no last resort. The sauce, along with espresso and milk, comprises Starbucks’ famous signature drink, the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Although it’s only available for a limited time, the drink is insanely popular, particularly with younger generations that plague various social media sites with photos of the cliched beverage that has become a cultural staple. The “PSL” as it is often affectionately nicknamed, spelled the doom of baristas’ blood pressure worldwide when it and its seasonal line of pumpkin-themed terror returned on September 5th.
Popular alternative band U2 has been a longtime authority in the world of rock music. They have been long rumored to be producing an album based around themes of the 2016 presidential election, expected for release by December. The album, tentatively titled Songs of Experience has been long anticipated by fans of the Irish group, but a recent development within the group has captured fans’ attention.
After launching the app anyway, despite various warnings and analyses that predicted imminent and irreversible financial disaster, Rural Infitters offered a promotional reward for their customers. According to app developers, if frequent shoppers downloaded the app, registered an account with two email addresses, forwarded the confirmation of their registration to at least five friends on their email list, reset their password twice, and completed their profile synced with the app’s social networking feature, they could have the chance to win an eight-day vacation to Rome and five-thousand dollars in prize money.
Campus douche shocked to find that women no longer thrilled to hear his mediocre rendition of “Wonderwall”
Following the Badgers’ sweeping victory last Saturday, most of the student population could most likely be found in celebration, including junior Econ major and aspiring hipster Hugh Jass. Hugh and his friends were enjoying a night of revelry in their communal Mifflin home when he noticed something unusual.“When we were all hanging out in the basement to watch the end of a beer pong tournament, I thought I’d whip out my guitar. You know, to set the mood and help everybody relax. It’s usually a big hit with the ladies, too,” Hugh told me, when I spoke with him about his experience earlier this week. He quickly found out that wasn’t the case.“I had to play the opening progression three whole times before anyone even realized I was playing! Even after I said ‘Anyway, here’s Wonderwall,’ which is, like, my signature opening line, more people moved away from me than usual!”Hugh was both shocked and surprised at the reaction to his “classic” ice-breaker for many casual gatherings and social events of the past. When I proceeded to ask if he had considered mastering yet another overplayed campfire tune, he was adamant that it was his “signature song.” With the well-known progressive social environment of our fair city, change has become commonplace as it reflects the artistic diversity of our community. New bands and independent artists are steadily emerging onto the scene and show no signs of slowing down, continually setting the bar higher and higher for those wishing to make an impression. “I don’t know what’s going on with people these days,” Hugh remarked when I asked about the future of music. “All I know is that stupid Oasis song doesn’t get me nearly as much poon as it used to.”Those akin with Hugh who possess only a casual interest in music involving actual instruments instead of Macbooks and drum machines will too feel the effects of this evolution as it takes place right before our eyes. That being said, twenty-something desperados hoping to stay afloat in this turbulent musical era should look no further than the simple four-chord progressions behind 90s hits such as Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit”, Sublime’s “Santeria”, and Green Day’s “Wake Me Up (When September Ends)”. As for the future of these campfire crooners, will they continue their reign of terror over casual friendly gatherings and bonfires? Or will the demand for real talent finally snuff them out?