In his latest effort to provide disaster relief aid to the citizens of Puerto Rico, President Trump approved the details of a plan that would send three ships’ worth of supplies overseas, mainly including strawberry lemonade water flavoring packets and home-baked cookies from the White House kitchen. Correspondents for the Daily Cardinal reported that barges left from the Norfolk Naval Base on the east coast to deliver the items on Monday.
Trump tweeted on Monday afternoon, “Aid sent to island people — take that, Hillary!”
All three barges made it safely to the naval base of Pearl Harbor on Oahu Island by Wednesday morning. Upon hearing news that the supplies, which are critically needed by victims of Hurricane Maria, arrived in Hawaii instead of their intended destination, Trump called a press conference.
“I am really, incredibly, absolutely amazed at all the unbelievable work that these really great people do for the United States,” Trump said, waving his hands about as he spoke vaguely of either the US Navy or the citizens of Puerto Rico. “They told me the island needed help, so I sent the best help I could think of. Only the best Crystal Light flavors which will turn their undrinkable water drinkable again and solve their power grid problem, and the most phenomenal cookies you’ve ever tasted, oh my gosh.”
When asked by critics of this latest domestic mix-up if he knew which of the U.S. island territories was affected by the hurricane this past summer, he seemed unsure.
“I don’t know which island needed help, my map was upside down because Steve Bannon left my maps all disorganized to sabotage me, but I’m much smarter than he is. Because my IQ is much higher than Steve Bannon’s, I’ve made sure that we’ve got the best people on this, people that I’ve known very personally for a very long time, just the most beautiful people you’ve ever seen. You absolutely wouldn’t believe how beautiful these people are, wow.”
It is unknown what the actual purpose behind President Trump’s press conference was, but supporters of his policies still defend him blindly and the American people seem to be already assembling in protest of his vague and imprecise description of what exactly went wrong and how the government will move forward from this undoubtedly expensive and incomprehensible mistake.
