Supreme Court rules themselves emperors of the United States
(06/27/22 5:00am)
In a controversial 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court has determined that they are emperors of the United States.
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Other queer identities to recognize this pride month
(06/22/22 7:00am)
While we commonly use the acronym of LGBTQ+ as a way of referring to all queer people, it’s important to remember how much beautiful diversity is tucked into that plus sign. In fact, there’s an entire alphabet of identities and individuals who should be celebrating pride alongside lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and queer/questioning people!
Democrats struggle for bipartisan support on gun reform bill
(06/17/22 7:00am)
After seeming to have over a dozen Republican senators on their side while drafting the first gun reform legislation in over 20 years, the Democrats have lost all Republican support.
‘Happy Landings’ is why Broom Street Theater is a special place
(06/09/22 7:00am)
I am so very fortunate to have both learned about and been welcomed to Madison’s own Broom Street Theater for opening night of “Happy Landings,” a hilarious and original ode to Shakespearean comedy.
RRR: The biggest, most amazing movie you haven’t heard of
(06/06/22 7:00am)
If you’re an American like me who doesn't pay much attention to foreign media, “RRR” may have flown right past your radar. This film was massive beyond massive in its home country of India, but pop culture in the United States has been almost silent. There is no excuse now because I am here to make sure you watch this movie. Do not let yourself miss out on “RRR” because for whatever reason you think it isn’t your thing. Give me the courtesy to convince you this is a must-see.
Six things you need to know to be safe around Bucky
(06/06/22 7:00am)
While Buckingham U. Badger is a beloved school mascot, it is important to remember that he is both a wild animal and an individual with feelings of his own. Despite decades of training, he will always have instincts deep within him that, if you’re not careful, may cause him to be a danger to himself and others. Here’s what you should know to keep yourself safe.
‘Kao the Kangaroo’ reboot deserves to be taken out back
(05/30/22 7:00am)
“Kao the Kangaroo'' is a 3D platformer collectathon reboot of the original game which came out in the early 2000s when that genre was all the rage. However, next to “Gex,” “Banjo-Kazooie,” “Donkey Kong 64,” “Spyro” and other classics, “Kao the Kangaroo” was forgotten. And, ultimately, playing this reboot failed to make me care.
New roguelike Golfie is far from par for the course
(05/28/22 7:00am)
“Golfie” is a roguelike deckbuilder… golf game. That’s right — the genre popularized by “Slay the Spire” of collecting cards and power-ups to avoid running out of health and ending the run are coming to the green.
God revokes thumb privileges
(05/25/22 7:00am)
A new holy text was recently discovered. In it, God announces He is revoking thumb privileges from humans. Here is the full statement:
NFTs are valuable now and I’m too dumb to understand it
(05/12/22 7:00am)
Recently, there was a massive technological advancement that I’m too dumb to understand. Now, pictures of apes that people paid tens of thousands of dollars for are worth millions. I’m far too uneducated on the extremely advanced technology behind crypto and NFTs — non-fungible tokens — to be able to explain how any of this happened.
Texas bans left-handed athletes due to ‘unfair advantage’
(05/11/22 7:00am)
Texas Governor Greg Abbott recently signed a bill into law that bans all left-handed students from participating in sports, citing an unfair advantage.
Review: Nintendo Switch Sports
(05/08/22 7:00am)
Nintendo Switch Sports opens with the familiar reminder to ensure the wrist strap is securely fastened. That nostalgia fades quickly as it becomes clear the brand new Switch Sports is entirely different from either of its predecessors, Wii Sports and Wii Sports Resort, making both notable additions and omissions.
Local white boy checks into rehab for addiction to AAVE
(05/05/22 7:00am)
A neighborhood white boy was recently checked into rehab due to his addiction to using AAVE. African-American Vernacular English, or AAVE, is the term for the words and speech patterns originating from Black communities. This includes many slang terms that reach widespread popularity through either pop culture or internet trends.
Mrs. Butterworth’s announces line of new syrup options
(05/03/22 7:00am)
Artificial syrup fans rejoice! In recent posts to Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube and MySpace, Mrs. Butterworth’s announced a vast expansion to their line of products. They already have “Original,” “Extra Buttery,” “Sugar Free” and “Lite,” but the company thinks it’s time for a change.
The Democrats have negotiated away the gays
(04/27/22 7:00am)
In a closed-door meeting late last night, Democrat and Republican party leaders have struck a deal to get rid of all gay people. Democrats have called the deal a “massive win” for progressive causes.
A new Democratic platform
(04/25/22 7:00am)
Hey there! I’m running as a Democrat who wants to get things done. My strategy is simple, but no one has done it before: I’m conceding to the right.
Big bunny blunder: Easter Bunny delivers plagues in Passover mix-up
(04/21/22 3:30pm)
Reports show a pattern of confusion due to Passover and Easter occurring on the same weekend. It appears the Easter Bunny, known for hiding eggs and delivering baskets full of candy, has instead been occasionally leaving houses with plagues.
The Wheel of Outrage: What it is and how to tune in
(04/21/22 7:00am)
Fox News announced that they are going to publicly broadcast the spinning of the Wheel of Outrage™. This wheel, or actually several wheels, have been in use internally for decades to determine what hosts will be mad about. Starting this week, they will begin broadcasting its spinning live as part of a larger cultural shift within the network.
Blessing in disguise? QAnon tells followers to become public school teachers
(04/19/22 7:00am)
After decades of being underpaid, a year of teaching virtually, endless weeks of being exposed to and killed by COVID-19 in classrooms, months of outrage against “Critical Race Theory” and now accusations of grooming children, many public school teachers have decided to quit. This has left many school districts desperate for substitutes, let alone new full-time teachers.
Pfizer announces special Easter edition Viagra
(04/16/22 2:00pm)
Christ isn’t the only thing rising this Easter! This week, Pfizer, the company behind Viagra, announced a special Easter edition of the infamous blue pill.
