When you walk into a lecture hall there seems to be some unspoken rules about where you should sit.
You don’t want to sit too close to the front in case your professor asks questions, but not so far back that you look disengaged. You consider moving further down a row so people don’t have to step over you, even if that means leaving class a little slower. Most importantly, you never commit the greatest social sin in a college lecture: sitting next to a stranger.
As you look down the rows of the lecture hall, a pattern naturally occurs alternating between students and empty seats, save for the few clumps of people who were able to coordinate schedules with their friends.
When a brave soul does decide to sit next to you, it seems to break the social script.
You begin to wonder if you have met this person before or if they are just seriously deranged. You might even need to take your bag off of the chair so this social butterfly can land.
As they turn their head to talk to you, it shocks you a bit. You want to know my name and major? What’s it to you? But you go on with the conversation and might even exchange numbers in case one of you has to miss a lecture. A few days later, you sit together again because it feels rude not to, and soon enough you’re studying together — and you even call this person a friend.
While I admit I’m being facetious in describing this hypothetical interaction, the sentiment resonates: Why is it so weird to talk to a stranger in class, and why do we follow these unwritten rules of conduct?
In part, we avoid each other because it's awkward otherwise. Some social theorists define awkwardness as a breakdown of our social script. When we all space out and find comfort in our solitude, that becomes the norm. To do otherwise goes against the grain of what we believe to be standard interaction and results in awkwardness.
Our generation already defines itself by its awkwardness. In a 2022 YouGov poll, 18-to-29-year-olds were far more likely to describe themselves as “much more awkward” or “somewhat more awkward” than other age groups. Despite these results, the same poll also found that 18-to-29-year-olds were just about as tolerant as other age groups of being present for awkward situations.
So, it's not that we strongly dislike or can’t handle awkwardness, but rather we believe ourselves to be more awkward than the average person. This could explain why class interactions generally are positive and often result in friendships, but we avoid them nonetheless.
Another factor contributing to this phenomenon is the comfort offered by electronic devices. Speaking with a stranger is scary, but texting your friend is easy. You might pull up another assignment or the LinkedIn games before lecture to give the illusion of being too busy to chat.
A 2018 survey by Pew Research found 43% of teen cellphone users report they “often” or “sometimes” use their phones to avoid social interaction. It’s understood by most that being on your phone subtly implies to “leave me alone.” Going on your device effectively removes you from the social setting you’re in. While your body might be in a lecture desk, your head is in whatever Instagram Reel your friend sent you from the lecture hall a couple doors down.
While there are many other factors as to why we avoid each other, it is evident that this is generally the norm. But does it matter? Is there any value in “class friends?” Sociologists say yes. Interactions with what experts deem “weak ties” or “peripheral ties” are integral to being situated in the social network. These seemingly mundane or useless interactions with acquaintances are associated with boosts in people’s positive moods and reduced odds of depressed moods.
Every time you choose to avoid talking to people in class, you are forfeiting an opportunity for connection. I met my best friend, whom I now live with and have traveled to multiple countries with, by talking to her in class our freshman year before we caught onto the rules of what’s “normal” in lecture. What started with a vulgar joke about something our professor said evolved into one of the most meaningful relationships in my life.
More broadly, avoiding microinteractions with your seat neighbors removes you from the community created by being in a class with other people. It’s nearly impossible to talk to everyone in a lecture, but by knowing a few, or even just one, your sense of belonging grows. Feeling like you belong in a class strengthens your belonging in the university at-large and makes the whole experience so much more enjoyable.
So, be brave and take a risk. Compliment the stickers on your neighbor’s computer or joke about your professor's tie. At the same time, be open to new connections. Don’t treat your talkative neighbor like an alien who’s experiencing their first day on Earth.
College offers an opportunity for community unlike any other time in our lives, so let’s be a community.
Brady Ahler is an Opinion Editor. He is a junior studying Political Science and Economics. Do you agree that college students should talk more in lectures? Send all comments to opinion@dailycardinal.com
