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Tuesday, June 18, 2024
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UW-Madison behind on internet bill as result of Republican budget cuts

Recent budget cuts have caused the University of Wisconsin-Madison to fall behind on its internet bill, according to Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

From the Windows operating system, to the walls of the dorms, internet outages across campus have brought panic to all at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

UW-Madison is in disarray over internet outages across campus. Internet outages are fairly common; the onboarding of thousands of students in the new academic year overloads the system every year, causing problems. It’s practically tradition. 

The real problem this time is that UW-Madison is behind on its internet as a result of budget cuts from the Republican-led budget-writing committee.

“I hope this doesn’t affect our credit score,” Chancellor Jennifer Mnookin said. “See, what had happened was — and I swear I will have it next time — but some stuff came up that’s out of my control. I’m going to need everyone to chip in this time.”

Like a bad roommate that is late on their share of the bills, UW-Madison forgot to pay the Spectrum bill.

The gas bill is behind, too. As the third summer finally breaks, the university is worried. But it knows that the city is not allowed to cut off utilities during the cold months. 

UW-Madison plans to take advantage of the mandate to keep the lights on and scrape up some cash before Madison Gas & Electric can collect in the warmer months.

To chip in to get the internet back on, your money can be sent directly to the university or its cash app at $UW-Madz.

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