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Sunday, January 29, 2023
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Commenter posts take on current situation

"What you misunderstand is that I'm really stupid."

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Recently on the internet, there was a controversy. Is it complicated and does it require nuance? That doesn't matter because a commenter is here to say something really dumb while suggesting it's everyone else who's ignorant.

"I'm a huge moron," reads the post. "And it's important for me to add my dumbass opinion on this information because I'm too stupid to know I have nothing important to say."

While the ability for internet users to post dumb thoughts may shock some, our research indicates that anyone can make an account and proceed to type whatever letters they feel like into their keyboard before pressing the button to post it.

"There is a massive gap in the intelligence needed to post and the intelligence required to create thoughts worth posting," said a university scientist. "In fact, we often see more intelligent internet users deciding not to post — especially when doing so would be uninformed and make them look really stupid."

While the top minds in charge of the internet work around the clock to uncover ways of preventing idiots from posting, they suggest doing what it takes to make posting moronic thoughts unappealing. This often includes cyberbullying, but can also be replying to the post with a picture of a pig pooping on its own testicles or even ignoring the post altogether.

"If a user wants to place billboards all over their profile advertising how hollow their skull is, all we can do for the time being is point and laugh," concluded the researchers.

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Jeffrey Brown

Jeffrey Brown is an Arts Editor for the Daily Cardinal and also writes for the Beet occasionally. He is a senior majoring in Sociology with a certificate in African-American Studies.

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