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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Matt Walsh asks to only be challenged using his own opinions (this is the satire page)

Ahead of his controversial campus appearance, the right-wing commentator requires that he’s only debated using his own sources.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Right-wing political commentator and genital hugger Matt Walsh will appear on campus Monday for a screening of his new documentary, “What is a Woman?” The event has drawn uproar from the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s transgender community and its allies, potentially including the vandalization of Memorial Union and Alumni Park — the vandals have not been publicly identified as of 3:30 p.m. on Oct. 24.

In response, Walsh tweeted that if anyone can show up to the screening and “successfully defend the claim that transgender women are women,” he will retire immediately. There was one caveat — those who wish to debate him must do so only using the beliefs Matt Walsh himself already holds. 

“People always try to argue with me using information that’s been researched, written and peer-reviewed by scientists. In other words, their ‘facts’ are created by members of the woke establishment from start to finish,” said Walsh.

Instead, a representative for Matt Walsh said “politically correct fascists” should use the same sources Walsh himself gets his information from. The lengthy list of accepted sources includes men with doomsday bunkers, disgraced politicians who found their far-right niche and self-proclaimed alphas who claim “females have all become cold bitches” while approaching women like they’re subhuman bank robbers.

The guidelines placed on those who oppose Walsh’s stance on the validity of being transgender put them in a tricky spot. After all, how can you trust people to know the difference between sex and gender when they have only seen female genitalia in-person in a context that’s the opposite of enthusiastic consent?

Some students commented that the rules run in opposition to the ideas of healthy debate and freedom of thought that Walsh and his target audience champion. The comment will remain just that, as Walsh’s followers are more into being transphobic for the male bonding the community creates than caring about someone’s chromosomes or what chromosomes are. 

As students consider going to the talk just to verify their class crush isn’t there, there is a lingering question as to what impact, if any, Walsh’s presence will have on campus both in the immediate and long-term future. Most commonly, there are concerns as to how the event will impact campus culture.

However, two things are near certain — one, transgender people won’t stop being born every day just because some people whose default mindset is groupthink don’t get how it works. Second, “trans women are women” became a valid statement when the definitions of sex and gender  — respectively — were created. 

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