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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, May 27, 2022
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Big bunny blunder: Easter Bunny delivers plagues in Passover mix-up

The holiday icon left more than candy in some Easter baskets.

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Reports show a pattern of confusion due to Passover and Easter occurring on the same weekend. It appears the Easter Bunny, known for hiding eggs and delivering baskets full of candy, has instead been occasionally leaving houses with plagues.

“Our little girl was so excited to see what the Easter Bunny left her. When she ran to the kitchen table, all she found was a basket full of locusts.”

This local family was far from the only affected by the pattern of errors. One household reported a yard full of multicolored frogs; another found all their plastic easter eggs to be full of flies. Reports of both livestock illness and children affected by lice have also spiked.

“We don’t know what was in those baskets, but our kids have never had boils this awful.”

Several families have also reported baskets filled with rain water. Given the other mishaps, it is assumed the contents were intended to be hail — yet another plague.

“It is so disappointing this holiday celebrating the joy of the death and resurrection of Jesus was ruined by an Easter Bunny blunder that has caused harm to kids simply excited for candy and egg hunts.”

While current experts are attributing this to a clerical error or similar accident due to the holidays coinciding, others are working to interpret a possible message from God. Given how the plagues are a major component in the story of Exodus as the punishments created by God to free the Israelites from Egyptian rule, many of these theories try to create connections between those who received plague baskets to current world events.

As awful as these baskets of pests are, parents thus far are grateful the Easter Bunny did not appear to have killed any firstborns. However, the situation is evolving and it may only be a matter of time.

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Jeffrey Brown

Jeffrey Brown is an Arts Editor for the Daily Cardinal. He also writes for the Beet.

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