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Saturday, December 09, 2023
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Debate drinking game: Almanac edition

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Nov. 3 is approaching faster than anyone could have hoped for. If you’re anything like me, this primary and general election cycle has cut down your will to live more than when Corn Pop, a bad dude by the way, tried to cut candidate Vice President Joe Biden in 1962. Despite our impending doom regardless of the decided candidate, we can still make the best out of a bad situation. I introduce to you: The Biden-Trump presidential debate drinking game. Grab a drink — virgin if you must —, a bottle of your favorite liquor and a group of your friends or roommates; there’s no excuse — it’s not like any of you have classes to get up and walk to anyway.

The rules of the game are simple. Drink whenever:

1.  Joe Biden (inevitably) says something incoherent

2.  Amy Coney Barrett is mentioned

3.  Either of the candidates mention rioting or looting

4.  Trump Brings up ANTIFA

5.  Joe Biden mentions Obama

6.  Trump says “fake news” and or ‘Chyina’

7.  Trump says he handled COVID well

8.  Either of them starts a sentence and you can’t really figure out where it’s going

9.   Trump calls Biden a socialist

10. Biden mentions Trump’s tax returns

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And if you want to go really crazy, take a shot whenever:

1.  Something racist is said

2.  They talk about each other’s mental health

3.  The moderator has to pull Biden off Trump — because we all know who would win in a fight

4.  A question about the ever-growing wealth gap in America is mentioned or they are asked about wealth tax — this has about a chance of one in a million on corporate news

By the end of this drinking game you’ll either be sober and pleased with the level of diplomacy and eloquence between the two candidates — although I think we all know this will not be the case — or you’ll just be too drunk to care. Hey, the northwest is on fire, worldwide coronavirus cases are reaching the 1 million mark and Breonna Taylor’s killers are still free, but at least we have alcohol.

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