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Saturday, July 31, 2021
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Coasties against climate change

All articles featured in Almanac are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

A wave of support for climate change legislation erupted from the streets of Madison last week in response to the string of wildfires on the West Coast.

The supporters, however, are not the usual suspects for unrest. Satya Rhodes-Conway commented, “a new breed of climate change reform is coming- not thanks to the social-justice warriors- but because of east and west coasties.” The unseasonably warm fall weather made State Street the perfect place for students to march.

Luke, a sophomore from Boston described his anxieties with the recent string of forest fires, saying that “I won’t be able to wear my sick ass new champion hoodie with my Celtics jersey over it if the weather stays like this for much longer.” He added that he wasn’t sure “how else [he] could flex on all of the in-state students.”

Abigail, a freshman from California also lamented on the struggles she would face this winter due to the rising climate. “My dad just sent me this amazing Canada Goose parka with fur around the hood,” she said, and complained that she was “seriously pissed [she] won’t get to take cute pictures at Lily’s Classic this February with my besties” if the weather stays warm.

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