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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, May 26, 2022
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Social media influencer Karen McSmith singlehandedly eases worlds' troubles with her selfless contributions of uplifting social media content.

Social media icon selflessly uses platform to raise nation's spirits, miraculously aiding worried souls with kind words through life-shattering pandemic

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Karen McSmith — styled as @ksmizzy on Instagram — made waves last evening with clips she posted on her Instagram during the afternoon. Known to her millions of adoring fans — popularly called the Smizzy Army — as an influencer, she took to social media to address them during these uncertain times.

“I stand with all of you. I can feel your pain. It hurts so bad that we’ve gotta be all hunkered down this way,” she said, as she walked around her home in the first clip, moving from what seemed to be a playroom for her dog to one of her living rooms.

“I really wish we could all go outside now and just take in the beautiful sun,” she lamented, pointing to a view of a miserable-looking swimming pool.

The next clip on her story saw a real change of scene, as she was now speaking from inside her swimming pool with a drink in hand. “These are tough times for all of us. I mean look at me; because of the lockdown, I have to sip my pinot noir without any gruyere. I cannot take a bath anymore because I can’t get enough milk for my bathtub and I have to shower instead. This is a nightmare.”

“Y’know, I have to swim around without Ricky and Vicky,” she continued. “Shoutout to ma homies @crazyrick and @slickvick, I miss ‘em so much.”

“But you know what, this pandemic is an equalizer for humanity. Let us all focus on the positives. There is light at the end of the tunnel you guys. I can see it.”

Her next clip featured her walking up a flight of stairs into what was likely her master bedroom. She seemed absolutely overwhelmed by emotion — her stone cold expression exuding great sorrow for all her fans. “I haven’t received my complimentary box of lipsticks and eyeliners this week and I really miss getting to play with my babies. I am so overwhelmed with emotion right now. I just wanna sing," she said, stopping to sit down on her California king bed in utter remorse.

The next — and final — clip of her address to her fans was the best of the bunch. “This song goes out to all of you viewers who are having as hard a time as I am. All of this is yours and I totally and absolutely care about you and your struggles or whatever,” she said. She then proceeded to sing “Imagine” by John Lennon but for reasons unknown to us, the screen went black after the first few lines of the song and there were no more clips, thus ending the address to the Smizzy Army quite abruptly.

“Watching ksmizzy’s Instagram stories is the first and last thing I do everyday. Keeps me healthy,” said Craig, a self-proclaimed superfan of Karen’s. He then proceeded to tell us about how it started raining when he heard Karen sing. “She was so good. That was no ordinary rain. That was John Lennon crying his eyes out because she sang like an angel. PROTECT HER AT ALL COSTS.”

“The stories she posted on Instagram last night are exactly what the world needs to fight this virus!!!!!” said another fan who wished to remain anonymous. “She is a hero. So kind and loving. She cares so much for all of us. I had received news last afternoon that I was being laid off and I was quite worried about my family but seeing how bad she has it really helped me put things into perspective.”

Another overzealous fan we tried talking to hung up on us after shouting out “KAREN 2020!!!! WRITE IN HER NAME!!! SHE IS THE PRESIDENT WE NEED!!”

While we are not sure where we are headed next, we know for sure that without people like Karen, we could never survive this pandemic. It is absolutely devastating to see her faring so miserably, and it’s so generous of her to care about us. We sincerely hope that she sees better days and continues to bring joy to our lives.

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