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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, June 08, 2023
Man makes fool of himself following unfitting t-shirt decision.

Man regrets wearing old, battered Billy Joel t-shirt on scenic vacation

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

The juxtaposition between man and nature catches the eye of passersby time and time again. A line of birds perched upon a phone line or vines crawling up the side of a building … Oftentimes, the sight alone destroys the self-respect of many. Within milliseconds, the feeling of remorse or embarrassment at the thought of human history and being a member of Earth’s dominant species takes away any hope of feeling content ever again. 

These are the exact thoughts of the man who wore a faded 1980’s Billy Joel t-shirt to his extraordinarily scenic tropical vacation. 

Despite consciously packing the shirt, the man didn’t notice his horrible mistake until it was time to take a picture in front of “the most exquisite” waterfall he has ever seen: “I noticed the girl behind the camera was sort of grimacing, and when she gave the camera back, she smirked sympathetically,” the man reflected. “It wasn’t until I looked at the picture that I knew what she was lamenting. Billy. Joel. Forget about the waterfall. All I could see was Billy Joel staring back at me …” 

The setting of clear blue water, breathtaking cliffs and charming palm trees is no place for an old, battered Billy Joel t-shirt. And the man acknowledged that in a public statement: “I deeply regret my mistake and fully accept responsibility for such an action.”

To illustrate his regret, the man not only deleted every photograph of himself wearing the wretched garment but also painted a beautiful, picturesque backdrop, similar to those from his vacation, to hang behind a scarecrow which wore the Billy Joel t-shirt while it burned in effigy. 

Though making proper amends for his offense, this man’s case will never be forgotten. It wasn’t just a minor misjudgment, and it definitely wasn’t a mere fashion violation. What it was was a small tragedy. It was of utmost disrespect and will remain a lasting symbol of a lesson that will always be remembered: every man, even the “Piano Man” himself, is and always will be inferior to the queens of all queens, mother nature.

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