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Thursday, May 26, 2022
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Dropped pledges trailing off of Langdon Street while preparing to spill the tea on sorority recruitment.

Dropped pledges don't hold back on spilling the tea on sorority recruitment at UW-Madison

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

As the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s sororities see if their pledge class of 2019 fantasy drafts will become a reality, those who have already dropped formal recruitment are finally able to voice their pressing questions and criticism from the sidelines. 

Tiffany Smith, a pledge who was dropped after first round, went on quite the rampage when finding that her envelope was empty. She couldn’t shake the thought that perhaps her fate was determined when she wore the same designer purse two days in a row: “I mean, like other girls changed into like a new designer purse like before entering each house.” 

During another interview, Maddie Baker, a pledge was also dropped after first round, obviously had some pent up anger towards Greek life. Before we could even ask the first question, Maddie spurt in a single breath: “did they not accept me because I don’t own a black Gucci belt? Is it because I weigh more than sixty pounds?! Is it because I live in Slichter?? It’s not my fault that I don’t own Nike Air Force 1s! Oh, I know what it is! I wasn’t carrying my metallic pink Hydro Flask!! Sksksksk.” 

Though she was dropped after the second round, Becki Brown seemed to be just as crushed as (if not more than) the other two girls. Her theory, however, differed slightly in that she “did not have access to her daddy’s credit card at all times.” In her interview, she admitted that “even though I come from old money, this probably wasn’t very impressive to the girls.” Not to mention, her high heels made her fumble all the way down Langdon Street, which easily made her a weak draft pick. 

Altogether, the dropped pledges sorrowfully banded together in acceptance that Greek life might not be what drafted members proclaim it is. For instance, Tiffany had a sneaking suspicion that her formal date would’ve probably been stolen by one of her new “sisters” anyways. Maddie didn’t even want to end up living with two of her new “sisters” because she knew that they would all hate each other by the end of week two. Becki deep down knew that when it came down to the last White Claw, her “sister” WOULD steal it.

Other pledges, who wished to remain anonymous, couldn’t help but wonder how their supposed “sister” probably wouldn’t pop up on their relatives list on 23andme.com. Also, they wouldn’t know which of the small cliques within the sorority they would end up joining.

Though the draft is not over yet, the dropped pledges wish to communicate one last thought to those who are still in it: what are you going to do when your “sister” picks at your deepest insecurities when she just commented “that’s my little!! Drop. Dead. Gorgeous” with two heart-eye emojis on your last Instagram photo?

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