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Friday, May 27, 2022
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BigDaddy06 showing up his impressive collection of imitation guns.

Father in favor of gun control achieves intimidation factor by cleaning toy rifle when greeting daughter’s boyfriend

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Recently, a local dad took a concerned-fathers forum by storm with an innovative idea to “protect our daughters!!”

In between the many lawn care tips and recipes “perfect for the backyard grill,” a niche of overprotective dads collaborate in order to uphold the traditional and patriarchal stereotype of an “ideal father.” Voices behind this topic are usually outdated and lack a moral compass, but it seems that a trailblazer has entered the chat.

Under the name “BigDaddy06,” this dad offers somewhat refreshing ideas because of his unique stance on gun control. Most notably, BigDaddy06 urges the others to stop with the old “cleaning my gun” trick when their daughter brings a boy home. Completely missing that this ‘helpless woman’ tradition while also holding male behavior to a low standard, this father at least recognizes that U.S. gun laws are completely out of whack. 

“You can catch me by the front door cleaning one of my son’s toy rifles when my daughter’s boyfriend comes to pick her up,” boasts BigDaddy06. “Keeping a pack of styrofoam bullets nearby really ups the intimidation factor — if anything were to happen... I’m locked and loaded.”

Knowing that acquiring a gun has become as easy as tying the laces on a pair of New Balance cross-trainers, BigDaddy06 sells his idea by insisting that it retains an appeal to “old-fashioned family values” without making “you look like an idiot” who supports the gun industry. 

As it is noted that we may have stumbled upon yet another group of men who struggle with toxic masculinity, we urge the dads of this otherwise wholesome forum to “hold on to your jorts!” as we continue to monitor the chat for future messages that normalize good behavior out of young men and independence out of young women. 

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