almanac

anger poem

A pile with lots of small jigsaw puzzle pieces having a gray back and a front picture made of cyan and green colors. They are arranged in the shape of a heart, on a white background.

By Kate Geary

Understanding my reality seems impossible ever since I was raped twice my freshman year of college by two different men. I seem to have lost all emotions but one -- anger. After digging into that anger with these words, I felt liberated under its weight, understanding how the emotion manifested itself into every crevice of my life until I was consumed. May these words be as freeing for you as they were for me, or at least inspire you to find your own freedom, however that may be. 

I am angry. 

devastated that in one single encounter, 

My life was derailed and put on hold.

Violated with such damaging force,

By a terrible being who created

traumatic experiences I did not request.

I am angry that my perspective is so skewed

Angry, that cruel men still have such a large part of me.

At my wits end with trying to change it,

I am deeply angry at my emotions

Taking constant attention from me

And leaving only the feelings of being

A wreck of a human,

An exhausted shell of who I was behind.

These biological functions consume me 

destroy me

And delight me all the same

So I am angry that I can’t escape them

And angry that I can’t control them.

I am angry above all

Because I don’t understand them.

I am angry at the world

For its ambiguity and fragility 

that our species ignores with such ease.

I am angry that I don’t have the answers

That I can’t create world peace,

Feed the hungry,

Or create opportunities for everyone to feel empowered.

There is too much for my hands to achieve

And I am angry every moment I spend ignoring these issues

To attend to my angry self.

This anger of mine,

It could shape all my years to come

Define the choices I make

And leave me feeding the parts of my soul that I cannot control.

I am angry, but I am alive. 

This burden is too heavy to bear

A load made for stronger shoulders than mine.

So I will let it fall,

Slam against the ground as gravity does its work.

I will set my anger down

And leave it on this earth

I will watch the slow rise of displaced air

And return to my beating heart.

Inhale the dust from which I came

And continue on this path 

Without a map, 

Without the shame.

My muscles will refocus

Each limb shaking under its new weight

As my soul fills with grace.

And I will rise, 

Leaving that anger

Farther and farther behind with each pace. 

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