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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, March 28, 2024
The diet is 99.4% carbohydrate, with nearly every user reporting excessive weight gain and stomach cramps.

The diet is 99.4% carbohydrate, with nearly every user reporting excessive weight gain and stomach cramps.

UW woman starts intermittent fasting diet based around Short Stack Eatery’s idiotic schedule

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

For those of you who are not familiar with Short Stack Eatery (sucks for you), you may not be aware of how convoluted their hours are. The popular breakfast spot is closed Mondays and Tuesdays. Wednesdays, your window of opportunity briefly opens from 6 a.m. to 3 p.m. On Thursdays and Fridays, you can treat yourself from 6 a.m. until midnight. Finally, SSE serves delicious dishes from 6 a.m. on Saturday to 9 p.m. on Sunday (yes, the whole time). As confusing as this is, one student saw opportunity amid the chaos.

One young lady has combined her love for breakfast cuisine with weight loss goals and adopted an intermittent fasting diet. On Mondays and Tuesdays, she refrains from food intake altogether. Come Wednesday, she’s first in line. “Usually, I’m starving after not eating for 57 hours,” she explains. A classmate of hers weighs in: “Her stomach growls so loud in our  lectures on Tuesday I can’t hear the professor.”

Because of her class schedule, on Wednesdays her morning pig out is her sole meal. “My last class ends at 2:10, so I don’t have time to get back before SSE closes at three. But the next four days... watch out!” She eats a “normal” three meals on these days, sometimes tossing a late night binge in after a wild Saturday evening. “They’re open, and who couldn’t use some drunken carboload?” Over the course of the week, she could burn her way through the whole menu, but she is partial to the Sweet Potato Oatmeal pancakes. “They have strawberries on top, so I always get my fruit in!”

What does she have to say to the haters? “As with any diet, people find mine confusing. But it’s a unique blend of the intermittent diet and meal planning; I always know I’m going to be eating one of the menu items! Also, I can’t cheat on my off days, because there’s no food available when the restaurant is closed!” [author’s note: I didn’t have the heart to tell her there are other places to eat in Madison]. In terms of exercise: “Have you been to SSE? It’s a whole six blocks off campus.” Our young innovator seems to be thriving.

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