Amazon algorithm to begin making purchases for you

A proposed logo for Amazon’s latest surveillance technolo- oops, we mean, Amazon’s latest convenience service.

Image By: Image Courtesy of Savannah McHugh

Amazon has decided to step up their game in predicting the interests of their customers. Already known for using past searches and accessing its customers’ internet history to target ads, Amazon now believes that, with their newest algorithm, they can predict people’s tastes enough to actually begin purchasing items for them. 

“It’s a major leap forward in enhancing the customer experience.” said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos. “We are setting an all new precedent on catering directly to the customer.”

The algorithm is reportedly similar to the one already in place to track search history and target ads to customers. However, Amazon claims that this newest installation can track internet users’ searches, previous purchases, current living situation and wages to a point where they feel confident in accessing your credit card information and sending a product to your doorstep. Unsurprisingly, some customers are skeptical.

“I definitely think they’re overstepping their bounds” said UW-Madison junior Anna Beene. “I have problems with Facebook and Amazon being able to access so much of my personal information in the first place. Now they think they can take my money and buy things for me?”

Others are more resigned to the decision, such as freshman Calvin Stool. 

“Yeah I’m pretty sure I actually sold Spotify one of my kids when I signed their user agreement so I’m not to worried about Amazon saving me some time and buying this pogo stick for me. Not like I wasn’t going to anyway…”

As younger generations become increasingly desensitized to companies accessing and selling their personal information online, sites like Amazon have become bolder. Bezos, however, assured customers that all information would be “protected” as always, and that automatic purchases would only be made with the utmost certainty.

“We don’t think we’re doing anything too invasive,” Bezos stated while adjusting the sticker covering his computer camera. “Let’s face it. If you’ve bought the first six seasons of The Golden Girls, don’t be surprised if season seven ends up on your doorstep.”

Amazon hopes to begin implementing their new program as soon as they finish working out the bugs. Like it or not, you may soon have a package. 

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