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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, March 29, 2024
One Almanac reader took this advice a little too seriously.

One Almanac reader took this advice a little too seriously.

Starting the semester off right: Tips for a not-so-shitty Spring

What could possibly be worse than a stable, perfectly enjoyable, drama-free semester? Have no fear, the trusty Almanac Editors are here to help! We’ll give you the inspiration you need to add a little spice to your schooling. 

Tip #1: Spend all of your money on instant hot chocolate. Go ahead and binge-watch The Office for the fourth time, too. We know you want to.

Tip #2: Deliberately disorganize everything you own. Just cleaned your room? Set all of your clothes on fire! Just swept the viruses off your hard drive? Download more terrabytes of porn than your brain can handle! The options are limitless!

Tip #3: Howl at the moon as often as possible, even if your neighbors are trying very hard to enjoy what little sleep they have time for. It brings good luck.

Tip #4: Don’t ask any questions about anything, ever. Just don’t. Nothing has ever been solved by asking questions, so why start now?

Tip #5: Dedicate all of your spare time to communicating through snow-signalling. Don’t know what that is? Too bad.

Tip #6: Start fights with everyone. Especially your professors. Everyone knows they’re a rowdy bunch.

Following our list will assuredly guarantee spring success. Consult Google for proper moon-howling methods.

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