When in doubt, lube it out — the beginner’s guide to sex with lube
This week, Indecent Exposure is giving lube the attention it deserves but often doesn’t get. Learn what types there are and why it is crucial for not only pleasurable sex, but safer sex too. As our favorite childhood crustacean Sebastian taught us, “Darling it’s better, down where it’s wetter, take it from me!”
Silicone vs Waterbased lube:
Let’s talk a little bit about how to pick the right lube for you and your needs. Picking a lube is kind of like picking a new partner — we all have our deal-breakers. The two most common types of lube are water-based and silicone-based. Both of these do an amazing job at keeping things comfortable, but it’s all about some of the practical measures to keep in mind. For instance, water-based lube is easily absorbed back into the body, so if we don’t want to keep reapplying lube we may want to get a silicone-based which will remain on the surface of the skin for a longer period of time — silicone based lubes are generally best for anal play because of this reason. That being said, if we want an easier job cleaning up after application and don’t want our sheets to get stained, then a water based may be the best bet.
One of the most important things to consider when picking lube is if we’re planning on using lube for our sex toys and what material our toys are made of. If our toys are made from silicone, we are definitely not going to want to use a silicone lube. Basically, the silicone in the lube will react to the silicone in our toys and could “melt” our toy. I know for a fact that none of us want to spend our hard earned money on something we love then have it melt inside us. For our silicone toy friends, we’re going to want to make sure that we’re using a water based lube. For easy de-lubing of our toys, we can always put a condom over our toy so we don’t have to worry about putting too much time into cleaning the toy after it has been used.
Practicing safe lube:
Lube not only creates more fun in the bedroom, but it is also one of the most important safer sex supplies! Lubricant enhances sexual pleasure but also serves to protect our orifices from unpleasant discomforts, such as micro-tears, by reducing any sort of friction. While the vagina is self-lubricating (bless her), the anus is not, so engaging in anal play without adding lubricant can lead to tears which not only hurt but also make it easier for us to pass STIs and other infections to our partners. So with pleasure comes great responsibility and lube is most definitely the hero we all deserve. It’s also important to note that lube does not JUST enhance pleasure during intercourse, it also enhances pleasure when we’re masturbating, having oral sex or using toys!
We have to be careful with what we use as a lubricant especially when we are putting lube on a vulva or a butthole without a barrier. Vulva’s are sensitive and each one has its own unique pH balance that can be upset easily leading to infections and discomfort. There are a lot of myths online (or spread by our friends) of DIY lubes that should MOST DEFINITELY NOT be used instead of the lube we can pick up at the store. We can purchase lube at any convenient store or supermarket. Even at your local gas station! It’s amazing how accessible safer sex supplies are.
One of the most popular myths right now revolves around millennials’ obsession with coconut oil. Surprisingly people, it actually is not the answer to everything! Coconut oil disrupts the vagina’s natural ecosystem and can lead to infections such as yeast or bacterial vaginosis. Coconut oil has really cool antibiotic healing properties, however, adding a substance that kills bacteria is not what we want going on downstairs. There is a lot of good bacteria that exists in vaginas to keep them healthy and clean so adding this substance is counter intuitive. Coconut oil, similarly to other oil-based lubricants, can degrade latex, making it incompatible with most condoms and certain sex toys. For similar reasons we can also NOT use mayo, vaseline or olive oil. Lets just stick to picking some lube up at the store or taking advantage of saliva as a free resource.
Lube & pleasure:
When a person with a vulva gets aroused their body does an incredible thing — it self-lubricates. But sometimes “getting wet” happens slowly, or it’s more of a mist than a downpour.
Most condoms come pre-lubricated with silicone lube, but the coating is very thin and dries out quickly. So, for P-in-V sex with a condom, put a couple of drops of lube on both the inside and outside of the condom for maximum pleasure.
Flavored lube can be a great way to switch up sex. It can also help oral-shy sex buddies get in to going down. Anything flavored (lube or condoms) can only be used for oral sex on a penis or oral sex on a vulva with a sex dam; a scented — not flavored — sheet of latex that can be laid over the vulva or anus to create a barrier to prevent STIs, also perfect for flavored lube and food play! Students can get free flavored (and non-flavored) condoms, lube, sex dams and other safer sex supplies at the Sex Out Loud office in the Student Activity Center.
Similarly to P-in-V sex, adding lube to D-in-V sex (Dildo-in-Vagina), or any sex involving sex toys can up the pleasure factor. The same guidelines apply, put a little — or a lot — on whatever toy that’s being inserted and push it — push it good.
As Syd said, using lube during anal sex is crucial to staying safe, but it’s also key to having pleasurable anal sex. Similar to the tip of the penis and the clitoris, the anus is very rich in nerve endings, which is why it feels good when it’s stimulated. Oftentimes people with penises get prostate or “P-Spot” stimulation during anal sex making it all the more fun. But, like Sydney said, since the anus doesn’t get wet on its own lube is our best friend for taking anal sex from “ow” to “WOW!”
My last sexy lube-related tip is about shower sex; water is not a lubricant, and it can actually wash away a body’s natural lubrication as well as water-based lube, so make sure to have some silicone lube handy for super hot water play. Also, make sure to lay down a sturdy bath mat to avoid a silicone-sex-trip to the emergency room.
Remember that lube is your sex life’s best friend! Got a little friction? Add some lube. Not sure you’re using enough? Add some lube. Need someone to talk to about your life decisions? That bottle of lube may not make good conversation, but it’s always there for you. Remember this: When in doubt, lube it out.
If you have topic suggestions, or just want some advice, use that lube to slide into our inbox at firstname.lastname@example.org