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Saturday, April 20, 2024
Steve Jobs Porn

MacBooks were designed and optimized to be $2,000 porn machines.

Steve Jobs Envisioned Free Internet Porn, Advocated Porn Accessibility

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple and legendary tech visionary, is now believed to have influenced yet another essential facet of modern life. Beside his incomparable innovations in the development of the home computer, smart phones  and handheld devices such as the iPad, it appears he was working toward creating a market for free internet porn long before anyone else. 

The discovery was made when Apple intern Ted Baer was leafing through company archives in search of company co-founder Steve Wozniak’s delicious pumpkin bread recipe which was rumored to be hidden there. The recipe remains undiscovered, but what Baer did find was almost as exciting. Among other things, he uncovered transcripts of meetings between Wozniak and Jobs in the days just before and after the creation of the “Worldwide Web.” In these sessions, Jobs brings up and begins crafting the idea of modern porn circulation.

“Think about it Woz,” said Jobs in a transcript from 1990, “no more pornography theaters, watching VHS tapes late at night, or sneaking into your dad’s room to find his Playboy collection. We can give free pornography to anyone, anytime, anywhere. We can revolutionize both the porn and computer industry.”

When Wozniak asked how the industry could provide “free” content, Jobs proposed the solution of littering pornographic webpages with “really creepy ads.”

Further digging led to the role Jobs played in actually introducing pornography to the internet, which happened approximately twenty seconds after the launch of the worldwide web. While never publicized by Apple, the company’s resources were used extensively by Jobs to create a steady platform and stream of pornography onto the internet in its early days.

“Many of us grew up in a world where, as teenagers, pornography was elusive at best,” said Jobs in one of the records. “But those days are over. If this is a world where twelve-year-olds can’t have illegal dungeon porn at the stroke of a key, then that’s a world I don’t want to live in.”

Apple officials have remained mostly silent on the discovery, with current CEO Tim Cook only mumbling “like you’ve never done it.” But like it or not, this new information adds another illustrious chapter into the accomplishments of Steve Jobs. 

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