Mayonnaise and vitamin diet offers delicious relief to cost-conscious consumers

How much did you spend on food last week? How many hours were spent preparing it? Did it even taste good? According to lifestyle guru Chaz Brockie, you’re spending too much money and time on food, and not getting the results you deserve. His answer: a steady diet of delicious mayonnaise supplemented with multivitamins.
Brockie, a lifetime Madisonian, is at the heart of the mayo and vitamin diet craze. “It’s really starting to catch on,” Brockie said. “I’m seeing more and more people leave the unhealthy grains, expensive produce and meat on the store shelves.”
The lifestyle pioneer said he has personally convinced “literally several” of his close friends to adopt the avant-garde diet.
At 100 calories per tablespoon, it takes roughly 20 servings of mayonnaise a day to meet the calorie needs of the average American. With over 30 servings in the typical $3-dollar mayo jar, it’s easy to see the financial appeal.
“Trust me, you won’t believe how much extra cash you’ll have,” Brockie said. In addition to immediate savings on food, the effect compounds through reduced electric bills and overhead kitchen costs. “Stoves, ovens, plates—forget that shit,” Brockie added, as he ingested handfuls of single-serving mayo packets stored in his pockets. “You don’t even need to pay for a fridge. The mayo says to refrigerate after opening, but if you eat it every day it’s gone so fast it doesn’t even matter.”
Brockie is planning on experimenting with vegan-friendly options including Crisco and mustard.