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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Wednesday, February 21, 2024
Clinton smiles in celebration of her win against Trump for sexiest candidate.

Clinton smiles in celebration of her win against Trump for sexiest candidate.

Hillary Clinton voted America’s sexiest candidate

All articles featured in The Beet are creative, satirical and/or entirely fictional pieces. They are fully intended as such and should not be taken seriously as news.

A poll of UW students has shown Hillary Clinton is considered the sexiest presidential candidate, followed closely by Gary Johnson, with Donald Trump and Jill Stein tied for third place.  This poll comes on the heels of Monday night’s presidential debate, where Trump presented carefully thought-out policy decisions while Clinton presented a shiny pantsuit.

“She’s lit af,” claims sophomore Abby Schmaltz, “Next Saturday. Michigan game. Brats. KK. Red pantsuits on fleek. Go Badgers!”

These results are fortuitous for Clinton, who did not have much momentum going into Monday.  The ongoing controversies surrounding the use of a private email server and suspicious cash flows at the Clinton Foundation have turned out to have worked in her favor.

“It makes her seem dangerous,” claims junior John Rhodes, “It is like my mom rolling through a stop sign. It’s hot. Wait, I mean someone else’s mom.”  

At a time when many feel that the first female presidential candidate faces a double standard with regards to appearance, attire, health, tone of voice, marital issues, aggressiveness, energy levels, earnestness, perceived truthfulness, posture, eye movements, and “that pointing-with-the-thumb thing”, these poll results suggest a change in attitudes.

As America turns the page on the Obama era, many are enthusiastic to continue the social progress achieved by electing the first African-American president. Of course, not everyone shares this enthusiasm.

“Just because Hillary can play the woman card, doesn’t mean she’s sexier,” claims senior Chad Zooti. “This poll is stupid. More mainstream media bias and liberal double standards. I should be able to talk about sexy Donald without being vilified by PC liberals.”

The next debate is scheduled for Oct. 9.

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