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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, September 22, 2023
Despite the hangover, Jeremy Davenport was feeling pretty good after filling in his name and ID on Friday's exam

Hungover test-taker ‘felt good’ in warmups

Despite his throbbing headache and mildly upset stomach, UW sophomore Jeremy Davenport told Cardinal reporters that the name and ID portion of his economics exam actually went pretty well.

“At first it was tough to keep my pencil marks from going out of the scantron bubbles, but once I got through my ID number I had loosened up a bit,” says Davenport. “I filled in the special codes section with no problem at all. Hell, I even remembered my discussion section number.”

Davenport isn’t usually one to go out the night before an exam, but he made an exception this Thursday for his friend Jake’s 21st birthday party. “I studied all week so I could still go out and join in the festivities. What’s the point of college if you can’t have fun and do school too? I even drank a glass of water before bed to be sure I’d be ready in the morning.”

Despite his preparations, Davenport “definitely felt it” on Friday morning and barely managed to get up in time to make the 9:55 exam in the Social Science building. “By the time I showed up the TAs were already handing out the scantrons, so I knew I had some ground to make up before the actual test started.”

“All the bubbles were spinning around in my vision and I accidentally put my first name in the last name spot and had to erase a lot, but then I pulled myself together and got in the groove,” said Davenport. “The key is to start in the middle of the bubble and go around and around until you’re very close to the edge but still not going outside of the designated area.”

After his solid performance on the ID portion of the exam and a thorough analysis of the test’s front cover, Davenport began working on the rest of the test, quickly calculating the circumference of each individual bubble and filling it in accordingly, only later realizing that they were all the same size.

At press time, the professor and her assistants were diligently evaluating Davenport’s expertly marked but terribly incorrect answer bubbles.

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