Derrick Rose to have both knees removed

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Following yet another major knee injury, Chicago Bulls star guard Derrick Rose has elected to undergo an experimental procedure in which both of his knees will be completely removed.

This announcement comes after reports of another tear to his already-shredded right meniscus.

Rose’s official statement reads, “After speaking with my medical staff, my teammates, my family and Jesus, I’ve reached the conclusion that my knees simply can’t take the beating of the NBA. Rather than struggling through more rehabilitation and further injury, we’ve decided that it’s best to have both of my knees removed.”

The experimental procedure—known as femoral-tibial fusion—is scheduled to take place March 12 in Poltava, Ukraine under the supervision of Dr. Dmitry Ekblad, the only known surgeon to have successfully completed the procedure on humans. The eight-month recovery process puts Rose on pace to return near the start of the 2015-’16 NBA season.

His choice to undergo such a major surgery has been met with rampant media speculation about how removal of the crucial joints will affect his play. Many are concerned with how this will affect his agility and height, seeing as the procedure leaves patients 2-3 inches shorter on account of having no knees whatsoever. Comments have also been made about a potential decline in his overall speed, suggesting the idea that he would have to adopt the infamous “Forrest Gump with leg braces” running style.

Rose responded definitively to these doubts.

“I’m really just sick of missing games because of knee injuries. That’s the bottom line—no knees, no knee injuries. I believe I’ll be able to succeed as long as I’m able to get on the court,” Rose said. “When you’re the best guard in the league, you don’t need knees.”

When asked what he would do if complications from the surgery disallowed him to return to basketball or even walk, Rose said he was determined to continue in professional sports, namely swimming or wheelchair table tennis.

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