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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Friday, March 01, 2024

Here’s the full list of things you can give up for Almalent

Almalent begins tomorrow and continues for 11 lunar eclipses (or until a calico is born from tabby parents). It’s difficult to decide what you want to give up for the duration of the celebration so the Almanac staff has put together a few suggestions to make things easy.

1. Your virginity

2. The love of one parent

3. Your Thursday guy

4. Oxymorons

5. Oxycotton

6. Oxford Commas

7. OxiClean

8. Oxens

9. Ox cords

10. Reading unprofessional, sensational GARBAGE (see: Almanac, page 2)

11. Secondary or

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tertiary chins

12. Rape culture

 -Alex Tucker

13. Pacifiers

14. Wet dreams

15. Bees

16. The last piece of pie

17. Using prepositions [in] your speech

18. “Nibbling”

19. Your exoskeleton

20. Piracy

21. Your “EZ-Mode” switch

22. Bacteria

23. Blinking.

Seriously, try it.

24. Your security


-Dylan Anderson

25. Manners

26. Methamphetamines

27. Metamorphoses

28. “Hannity”

29. The Number 12

30. Praying to the

Human Cardinal

31. Hysterics

32. Shoplifting

33. The answers for today’s homework

34. The answers for tomorrow’s homework

35. Joy

-Andy Holsteen

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