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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Thursday, May 30, 2024

The Dirty Bird: Interview with a Bangin’ Badger Babe, Part 1

Welcome back, Badgers! As many of you know and constantly lament, it’s my last semester as The Dirty Bird (the D is silent). As a treat, I’ll be doing a segment the last Monday of each month called “Interview with a Bangin’ Badger Babe.” This enchanting series will aim to open our eyes about our classmates—from what they look for in a partner to who they look for between their sheets and all of their sexual and dating habits in between!

Per usual, the most interesting questions come from you, the readers. Whether you’re wondering if the average hottie likes dirty talk or what kind of porn they watch, send those questions right to and I’ll see what I can do!

This week, my go-to go-out friend, alias Jane Doe and I sat down in our favorite Madison coffee shop to dish out some advice she felt the dudes of UW needed to hear.

Alex: What do you look for in a partner?

Jane: I really want someone who is respectful and dedicated to the relationship. They need to have a good sense of humor and of course be attractive. He has to enjoy doing things, you know, not just sitting at home. I want an activities partner. Most importantly, he has to love all the weird things that I like.

Alex: Like what?

Jane: Well, it’s not weird. He has to be into “The League,” beer and sports. I guess I call that weird because it’s less typical for a girl (especially one who wears mostly pink) to like those things.

Alex: What do you wish was different about Madison’s dating or hookup scene?

Jane: Why are there so many pussy guys in Madison? If one just came up to me and started talking or even said something forward like, “Wanna get out of here?” I would probably have sex with them!

I wish that more guys would have courage and take initiative! If they did and I think they’re hot, I would probably fuck them or date them!

Alex: What advice do you have for people looking to date someone like you?

Jane: I really appreciate a guy who is super straightforward. I wish people would say what they want and what they are feeling since I’m not that good at picking up signals. I don’t really know when a guy is interested until he tells me!

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Alex: A lot of girls care about gifts in a relationship. What would your ideal gift be, and when do you expect gifts from a date or boyfriend?

Jane: For me, gifts aren’t super important, but if I have a friend-with-benefits or a boyfriend I would expect something for my birthday. Nothing big, maybe flowers and a card, a bottle of champagne to share.

It really depends on the relationship; if it’s a serious relationship, ideally I would want something like a necklace or a puppy. If it’s just casual dating, it could be something cute, hopefully reflecting an inside joke or something I really like. That can be pretty much anything as long as it means something to me.

Alex: How important is physical attraction when selecting a mate?

Jane: It’s pretty important. I think that’s the first thing we all see before we see what kind of person they are. Everyone has their own specific thing that turns them on, and mine would be height (at least 6’2”) and what I like to call “Golden.”

Alex: Explain “Golden.”

Jane: Tan skin and blonde hair. Kinda has that “Abercrombie model” look. Someone I can picture on the beach, surfing. I guess they don’t have to have blonde hair, but that would definitely be a plus.

Alex: So where do you find these “Golden” guys?

Jane: I only hang out on my couch, at The Plaza and at the School of Music in Humanities. But if I were to go on a date, I’d want to go to a restaurant, bar or coffee shop on State Street. Not a fratty bar but a nice one—Paul’s Club, Icon, et cetera.

Alex: Have you ever been in love?

Jane: Yes. Twice. And they were both boyfriends from high school. I haven’t been in love with a Badger yet, but I would like to.

Alex: Do you ever think about the future, like marriage?

Jane: All the time but not with specific people. I think about where I’ll be and what kind of husband he will be. And obviously how much sex we’re gonna have each day.

Alex: So do you like having sex? How important is sex in your relationships?

Jane: I love it and it’s super important in a relationship. It can’t just be anyone, you just click with some people better than other people. If I were to keep connections with that person, I’d like to have sex on a regular basis.

Alex: What’s the most fun sexual encounter you’ve ever had?

Jane: There was this one guy in town for a conference, and it was just really fast paced. We met and he said, “I’m going home with you tonight,” and he did! It was dirty like a porno—but I didn’t have to worry about cameras. It was just really fun and there were absolutely no strings attached.

I’ve also had sex on my balcony, stark naked. That was fun.

Alex: What would be a huge turn on for you?

Jane: If a guy made eye contact with me and then just made out with me in public. Making out in a bar or in public makes me feel really turned on and makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world. It’s intimate, but you’re in a public space, and that he doesn’t care about that is just so sexy to me.

Alex: Now grand finale question—I feel like guys always wonder about this stuff and are too uncomfortable to ask. Do you watch porn? Do you have a vibrator? Would you want to do those things with a partner?

Yes, yes and yes! I think guys don’t know that quite a lot of girls have vibrators. Guys are always surprised when they see mine!

Are you a Badger Babe looking to share your secrets with the Dirty Bird’s readers? Do you have questions for the next interviewee? Email Alex at to put in your two cents!

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