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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Sunday, December 04, 2022

What your favorite type of pie says about your dating tendencies

Pumpkin - You don’t realize that all of your suitors are out of your league until after you reject them. Also, you seem to find yourself thinking about Hillary Clinton. Constantly.

Boysenberry - As the name suggests, you are into boys. Young boys. Pedophilia. That stuff. If this is your go-to pie, you may want to re-evaluate yourself.

Apple - You can only be in relationships in even years, and are perpetually single the other half of the time.

Rhubarb - We get it, you went back to your ex, AGAIN.

Pecan - There’s nothing more intriguing to you than butt stuff, but you can never quite seem to make it work. This passion of yours has cost you your last four relationships.

Chocolate - There’s only one type of people you can be attracted to; Asians.

Banoffee - You are still waiting for a knight in shining armour to whisk you away to a fairy-tale land of romance and merriment.

Cherry - Just grow up already!

Meat - You have never dated because your approach anxiety is too extreme. In short, you are afraid to meat people. Get it?

Blueberry - Three divorces by age 40, maybe the problem is actually you.

Keylime - You refuse to put your smartphone down, even on dates and while with significant others. At least you have plenty of solid backup options on Tinder if your current partner doesn’t work out!

Mississippi Mud - You are the person all of your friends come to for dating advice. Then you sneakily go behind their back and elope with their partners.

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Quiche - You are kind of religious. But not THAT religious.

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