Showing no shred of consideration for anyone that he may directly or indirectly come into contact with in the near future, local savage Riley Turner sneezed into his hands on Wednesday afternoon.
Turner, 34, an apparent troglodyte, displayed no sign of remorse after violently spraying an infinite amount of bacteria out of his oral and nasal passages into the body part used to physically interact with other humans, as well as with objects that other humans will inevitably come into contact with.
Disgusted onlookers of this obscenity implore that Turner wasn’t even caught off guard, and that the incident was undoubtedly, shamelessly premeditated.
There remained much fear and animosity in the air when The Daily Cardinal reporters caught up with eyewitnesses for questioning, some folks going so far as to assume that the culprit must have been raised by primates.
“Call me a germophobe, but I don’t want this brute anywhere near me or my children.” One visibly rattled mother said. “It’s just a travesty that these scumbags exist, and they aren’t even forced to alert the peaceful citizens of their community, or stay monitored by authorities, or wear some type of shame signage around their necks.”
“Just the thought that I could come into contact with this lout’s snot, or saliva, or any of the other million nasal irritants that he shot out of his face,” another horrified bystander said, pausing to shudder. “It’s just… I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep anytime soon.”
Consultation from an esteemed psychoanalyst yielded speculation that Turner is a high-level sociopath, operating on a day-to-day basis devoid of empathy, or anything resembling a conscience.
At press time, the neighborhood’s resident neanderthal was probably just rubbing his mucus straight onto door knobs and acquaintances’ hands to save time and energy.
