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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Sunday, September 19, 2021
The Angry Biker

Heroes of the weekend

Grant French, sophomore—Grant French had never met the residents of 222 N. Carter before he attended their house party Saturday night. But he learned quickly what kind of people they were when they marched upstairs into the attic and skipped him in the line for beer pong. The assholes needed to be taught a lesson. French knew the chances of defeating them in a fist fight were slim, so he chose an alternative form of revenge. He crept into the bathroom, removed the lid of the toilet tank, dropped his pants and took what is known on the streets as an “upper decker.” Grant French sees himself as an agent of Karma. We see him as a hero to us all.

Jeffrey Townsend, juniorJeffrey Townsned typically avoids conflict. But when he was confronted by pedestrians walking three wide toward him on the sidewalk while riding his bike to Walgreens, Townsend decided to take action. As he approached the threesome, his adrenaline spiked. He leaned over and asked them, “Want to get the fuck out of the way?” The bewildred group immediately gave him a wide berth, and proceeded to walk single file for the rest of the day. Townsend used the perfect amount of force to remind them about the unwritten rules of the sidewalk. He is a hero to us all.

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