Arriving early to lecture Tuesday morning and surveying the numerous vacant rows of seats, student-asshole Travis Holmen thoughtfully evaluated his options before settling in the nearest aisle seat.
Displaying utter disregard for any student arriving thereafter, the jackass sophomore used the remaining time before class to lock gaze on his cell phone, engaging in activity such as perusing The Chive app, playing several games of Flappy Bird and, at one point, tweeting, “god so hungry... cant wait to smash some doba for lunch haha #loveqdoba #mmm #grind.”
Holmen’s decision to choose such a seat was paralleled only by that of junior Kourtni Beckham, who arrived three minutes later and opted for the row’s opposite aisle seat. In total, the exceptionally mindful pair of classmates imposed their will upon 18 students, with 12 of them clambering past the two shitheads to gain seating and six others backtracking to seek accommodations elsewhere.
According to eyewitness reports, during one of these transgressions, in which Holmen was forced to adjust in his seat, the worthless scumbag could be heard grumbling, “Pfff, try getting here ahead of time for once.” Beckham faced similar adversity and twice had words for the offender, both times hissing, “Jeezzz. Really?”
Holmen spent his time throughout the 50-minute lecture alternating between feigning interest in the professor’s words and scanning the Total Frat Move app on his phone, at one point drafting a post, “Probably gonna slam my T.A. this weekend. TFTC,” before deleting it and switching back to The Chive. Beckham utilized the class period that she found valuable enough to show up for by scrolling through Pinterest on her laptop for 48 consecutive minutes.
Additionally, the two immoral savages waged wars on their respective neighbors for their lone shared armrests, both winning out and asserting superiority.
At press time, Holmen could be seen asking for extra queso at Qdoba. Beckham was last spotted on University Avenue staring at her iPhone as she walked along the dead-fucking center of the sidewalk.
