Deer Cardinal,
I started a new job a few weeks ago and was happy to find out my coworkers do an annual Secret Santa gift exchange. Initially, I was really looking forward to getting and giving a present. However, I’ve got a little problem on my hands: When I looked at the name I picked, I realized I have no idea who this person is, let alone what sort of gift I should get. Is it too late to back out? What should I do?
—Cole
Lump of Cole,
As soon as you put your name in the drawing, you committed yourself 100 percent to this gift exchange, so please be serious and put this matter into perspective. Unless you want to be labeled the Office Scrooge, the Grinch who Wrecked Christmas or the Secret Santa Stinker of ’13, I suggest you suck it up and figure this mess out. Sorry to be harsh, friend, but I want to make sure you do what’s right.
So, how do you find out what your gift recipient likes? Well, for one, you’re new at the office, so start chattin’ about the person’s hobbies and food preferences with your coworkers. If you want to go down the food route, casually pepper in a question about any dietary restrictions the person may have.
If you’d rather not run the risk of gossiping, consider breaking into your gift recipient’s office space and/or ransacking the person’s backpack. In fact, this option is probably more efficient than the whole talking thing.
What if neither of those strategies works out? Buy ’em a Bath & Body Works vanilla-scented candle and Santa hat then call it a day.
Alrighty, Cole. Happy holidays!
Deer Cardinal,
I have two finals scheduled at exactly the same time, 7:45 a.m., one in Bascom and the other in Humanities. It is impossible for me to reschedule either test. God help me. What should I do?
—Tessa
Testy Tessa,
While this may seem like a tricky situation, taking two final exams at the same time is actually completely doable. So, take a deep breath and run this foolproof plan.
Before the tests begin, head over to a dining hall and “borrow” a tray. Leave it right outside the room you will go to first. Then, obtain a moped and park it on the bridge between Humanities and Bascom Hill. More on these items later.
On the day of your tests, arrive first at the exam in Bascom. As soon as you have obtained a copy of the test, sneak out (take the exam papers with you), grab your tray and sled as fast as you can down Bascom, across the bridge over Park Street and into Humanities. Sit down and allow yourself enough time to answer enough questions to pass the test. Once you reach that threshold, whip out the first test and work until five minutes remain in the exam period. At this point, hand in your exam, bolt out of the room, hop on your moped, plow up Bascom and hand in the exam due at the top of the hill.
It’s really that simple.
Feel free to send a follow-up if you want to do a practice run of the operation before the big day.
Good luck!
Need some advice? Tweet at the Deer Cardinal—out loud, not online.
