The city could plummet into financial ruin Friday as a result of the Frautschi couple’s spontaneous trip to Las Vegas, where they gambled away their entire financial empire in multiple heated games of Bridge.
Pleasant Roland and W. Jerome Frautschi, who own “pretty much everything cool about downtown Madison,” were unable to be reached for comment Thursday, for the couple “packed their bags and headed for the hills,” one official said.
According to Ald. Mike Verveer, District 4, there will be a temporary shutdown of all businesses within the 100 block of State Street due to “economic complications” which arose immediately after the couple’s sudden financial crisis.
“What am I going to do without my daily Teddywedger’s fix?” Verveer said amid tears. “What has the world come to? Someone please get me a drink.”
The demise of the Frautschi financial empire will inevitably lead to Vilas Zoo Director Rhonda Schwetz’s takeover of the 100 Block of State Street, the Chazen Museum, the Overture, the Madison Children’s Museum, American Girl, and Mattel along with everything else the Frautschi’s previously owned before their financial downfall.
Zoo animals are expected to arrive at the 100 block of State Street as early as Friday morning, where “they will seize authority of Ian’s Pizza by force,” Schwetz said, although most will likely just order salad.
“This is how Dave Cieslewicz would have intended it,” Schwetz said.
