UW-Madison sophomore Dan Keller admitted to UW-Madison Police he “let one rip” Tuesday then warned his friend, Allen Sorenson, who was with him during their Accounting 100 lecture at the time, about the rancid odor that was about to ambush his nostrils.
“Me and Al are bros,” Keller said, “so I told him I had a bad case of the beer farts that morning. They can really sneak up on ya.”
“I was just tellin’ Al about my crazy Monday night,” Keller said. “I think the exact words I said to him were somethin’ like, ‘Hey man, don’t drink that expired Natural Light shit we found in the back of the fridge in the basement a few weeks ago. It’s givin’ me real bad gas right now and plus if I don’t take a leak in the next three minutes I’m gonna freakin’ explode.’”
Mitch Miers, another Accounting 100 student and that one kid everyone in the class wants to punch, overheard the words “natural,” “gas” and “leak” and assumed the worst, pulling the fire alarm which led to the evacuation of the building around 11:30 a.m.
“I was getting super into the professor’s discussion on calculating the current value of bonds and was about to ask my 14th question of the lecture,” Miers said, wiping a bit of brown smear from his nose.
“I’m pretty sure I heard Dan and Al talking about a natural gas leak so clearly I had to do something,” Miers said. “I really want to go to our professor’s office hours this week, so obviously if the entire building exploded with us inside I wouldn’t really be able to go, now would I?”
This is not the first time that the flatulence of Keller, known as the master in the art of the silent-but-deadly variety, has been problematic in public situations.
Most notably, Keller’s wind breakage was once so powerful that it blew open an unmarked envelope full of pictures of a cat named Double Trouble, spurring the animal rights group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals to allege maltreatment of cats in UW research.
