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The Daily Cardinal Est. 1892
Saturday, May 25, 2024

Fake News Friday: Piccolo Pete picks princess a perfect pumpkin

Precariously pulling at Princess Periwinkles precious heart, Piccolo Pete produced the perfect plump pumpkin for her. Wednesday, Pete pranced playing “Pushkin’s Procession” on his piccolo—all while plucking purple petunias Periwinkles’ pink poncho.

Picturing pleasant premonitions Pete piqued as the princesses principle past-times. Prince Pumptwell of Pennsylvania, Periwinkles predestined partner, promptly proclaimed problems with Pete’s persistence. Propelling pistols proudly pointed towards Pete’s paws, Pumptwell hoped to pulverize Pete’s pinwheel painted palms.

“Pew! Pew! Pew!” the pistols punctuated.

Pistachios poured from Pete’s punctured pouch; the pistol’s power went “poop.” Pete’s pervading positivity and pacifism proliferated, pulsing in Periwinkle’s peripheral nervous system. Pumptwell promptly punctuated profanities. Pete patiently pondered peace for Pumptwell and protection from poppycock pouring puny Pumptwell.

Promptly Pete peeked pumpkins protruding perched in the prickly Perconley’s Pumpkin Patch. Perconley paced particularly poorly, perhaps poodles puddles poisoned her pride. Pete posed perfect peppermint for Perconley who perked positively pointedly. Perconley proclaimed; “Poodles! Pick perfect pumpkin for Pete!”

Poodles plundered Perconley’s Pumpkin Patch persistently progressively. Pumptwell prophesying post-pumpkin partnership of Princess Periwinkle and Pete, practically departed for parsley popsicle pies.

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Pete, pushing the poodle’s propitious preposition to the peripheral, picked precisely the particularly purposeful pumpkin. Periwinkle proposed perfunctory to Pete. Pete pledged punctual perfect piccolo pitter-patters forever more.

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