Local mad scientist Andrew Krebs, known for his borderline nefarious research in genetic manipulation, made a public statement Thursday saying he was not, in fact, mad, just mildly upset.
Krebs cited a recent stubbing of his big toe and a long line at the bank as the inspiration for his most recent invention, dolphins with gun fins.
"I can see how working to create dolphins with guns instead of fins could be misinterpreted as an evil, crazy idea," Krebs said, "but it is honestly just small irritations that motivate my genius."
Against conventional wisdom, Krebs revealed, "I mean, if anything I'm motivated more by the good old fashioned notion of a job of mounting aquatic animals with rifles well done."
Krebs' gun-equipped-dolphins plan, written in blood on the trees lining the Lakeshore path, was the subject of harsh peer review and has long since been thought to be the instrument of his rage.
However, Krebs told news outlets he took the criticism quite politely and acknowledged that many of the points against his conclusions were indeed valid.
When Krebs was done taking questions, he cackled as he fell back behind a black cape and jumped into Lake Mendota to retreat to his underground lair of diabolical devices beneath the lake bed.
-Tim McCorgi
