Associate Students of Madison passed a resolution Thursday to increase student segregated fees by $275 per student for 2011 in order to fund a $1.7 million internal training session in Las Vegas.
The trip to Vegas is focused on improving the internal training of ASM staff so that they may better serve the student body of Madison. The funding will be used to fly the entirety of ASM’s staff and alumni in a private jet, in what ASM Chair Allie Gardner called “a priceless opportunity to internalize the internal benefits of inner bonding.”
When asked why 9 penthouse suites at the Venetian and Palazzo hotels were necessary, Gardner noted the “SSFC was in charge of intelligently planning efficient accommodation, and concluded that sharing nine suits was less expensive than getting one for each person, so…yeah.”
The staff training will include vocal communication lessons from Vegas -native Barry Manilow, efficiency training with federal government representatives and a question and answer session with Ryan Reynolds, which Gardner noted as a “no-brainer.”
According to SSFC, 40 percent of the funding will go towards transportation, 35 percent toward accommodation, 15 percent to pay for Manilow’s appearance fee, 9 percent for gambling money, 10 percent for alcohol and 7.24 percent for bail-out money.
A Daily Cardinal investigation concluded that SSFC may have made calculation error in their budget, but was reassured by ASM Press Secretary Ade Afolayan that “Mr. Reynolds is actually paying us to come.”
The announcement by ASM, printed on gold tablets, stresses that the training session will greatly improve the organization’s internal structure and communication. But Gardner assured students that the lessons learnt will be brought back to Madison.
“What happens in Vegas will definitely not stay in Vegas, except for the student segregated fees.” ASM will live hold a referendum on the decision after returning from the trip.
