Dating is a complicated thing. There are labels and rules: Are we exclusive? Are we hooking up? You texted me right after we hung out. What does that mean? No one ever knows exactly what the other person is thinking, we could all use a little advice.
I was musing about this while reading "Jane Eyre" and realized Charlotte Brontë inserted a lot of dating and relationship advice in her novel. Some of it might be a little outdated, considering how (sadly) no one wears breeches or works as a governess anymore, but there are still relevant tips for the modern single gal.
1. No one will buy the cow if they can get the milk for free.
Sounds like that lecture grandma gave you? Well, Mrs. Fairfax might not be the originator of this idea, but she certainly supports it. She sees Jane come in from the garden after sending a scandalous hour with Mr. Rochester at a scandalous hour and warns that she won't be marriage material if she continues acting so improperly. Although Mrs. Fairfax is unaware Jane's behavior wasn't too terribly promiscuous, her advice is pure genius.
Now, calling this idea "genius" doesn't mean I completely disapprove of sex before marriage. This may have been what Brontë was alluding to, but it has a different meaning today, especially for us college students. Hooking up is unlikely to lead to a relationship. It just isn't going to happen. If you do choose to hook up with random guys/girls, don't get too attached: You're being used. Sure, sometimes people find the love of their lives through a one-night stand, but it's not exactly the norm. People like free milk; they don't like paying for things they can get for free.
2. If you discover your fiancé has a wife, run away. Far away.
This really doesn't need an explanation. If your significant other is hiding something huge like a crazy wife, get out of there!
3. Don't say "yes" if you don't think the person is right for you.
When Jane runs away from Mr. Rochester, she meets St. John. He proposes, mainly because he thinks she would make a good missionary's wife. Jane, however, doesn't want to marry him. She doesn't love him; she can't stop thinking about Mr. Rochester. Brontë's bottom line: Don't marry (or date, for us way-not-ready-for-marriage students) unless you see potential.
4. Forgive.
Jane goes back to Mr. Rochester even though he lied to her. Here is one moral I don't necessarily agree with. Rochester was an idiot. He hid a lunatic wife from his new fiancé who Jane only found out because someone outed him at their wedding. This is an extreme case, but doesn't it seem likel that someone who tells a huge lie is going to do so again? I get that she loved him and all, but really Jane? Going back to marry him? Seems like an unwise idea to me. Use this tip with discretion.
5. Don't hide your intelligence.
Brontë is all about portraying a witty and experienced protagonist. Jane doesn't sit and simper like other girls; she challenges Rochester and always has a response for him. It's this, in fact, that moves Rochester to fall in love with her. Even though she's not beautiful like Blanch, she's the one for him.
Jane provides hope for all the smart girls and guys out there who might not think of themselves as attractive. Even though Brontë always described her as plain, Jane succeeded in the world of love, and you can too.
Best of luck to you in the ever-confusing world of dating. I think we all need it.
Taking dating advice from a woman who died a spinster? Are you at that point of desperation? Think you have better tips? E-mail Sara and let her know how you typically get your man (or woman) at slschumache2@wisc.edu.
